Posted by: Depressed Khumo | 2009/09/30

Help me Help my moody man

Hi doc
This is going to be long so I apologize in advance for that, I have been dating a wonderful guy for 25months now, when we met everything about him was wonderful, his sister was forever telling me how “ cruel”  and unromantic her brother is but I never saw that (I guess I was still in heaven to notice) – well a few months into our relationship I started to realize that he has terrible mood swings, he can wake up happy and laughing and by 10am he is sulking, if you ask him why he simply says there is nothing wrong he is just ok!
Recently all we do is fight, my man used to have a great sense of humur, people who dont know him well think he still does, when in public he laughs at everything, with everyone but then when we close the doors he doesnt find anything funny and for us to have a good time we have to be around people!
The man that I love is hiding inside this man that I am currently with, somedays I will see him somedays I wont! I recently printed him some naughty stuff from the net in hope that it will “ cure”  our bedroom issues-he just read it with a serious face and asked me and what do you expect me to do with this story? I was heart broken but thought Ok maybe coz its about other peoples lives-I decided to play a little game with him a few weeks later, I wanted us to talk about our fantasies and what makes one happy –  he told me that I have a habit of wanting to talk about serious issues at night and when he gets to bed all he wants is to sleep no answer my stupid questions. Doc, I love this man but he hurts me so much, he would make me angry and never apologize until I force him to. I have asked that we go for councelling and he says, he believes he can solve his own problems, he doesnt need someone telling him what I want to hear. My main problem with him is he cares too much about himself to even notice someone else, he is always saying hurtful things to me, his brother and nephew, he would never say or do anything to hurt his mom or Twin sister is that he cares less for us and more for his mom and sister? He doesnt have friends, if he is not with me, he is with his mom and sister and he expects the same form me, he hates all my friends so I either with him or with my sisters. If he sees me talking on the phone he will get angry/sulk for hours unless he knows its my mom or sisters. I know he loves me but Im not sure why he treats me like this, we are planning on getting married late next year, but he hurts me so much, he is always saying things that he claims later that he didnt mean. He was raised to believe things shold be done his way or no way, he is stubborn and selfloving, his idea of a romatic setting is sitting with me, his mom and sister and chatting! LOL! I tried to show him what I like, romatic dinner with candles etc, I did them for him and I buy sexy undies and perform for him and he seems to enjoy it but he can never do the same for me coz its “ really not in him and he doesnt have money to waste”  Sorry again for the long post, I hope you can help me help my man.

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Our expert says:
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Maybe he'd be more interested in joining you in counselling if he didn't see it as an acusation that he had something wrong with him that needs fixing, but if he saw it more as a useful way to help you both deal with problems in the reelationship, and for him to help you with the problems you have been experiencing.
Have you ever thought, for instance, that he may indeed work hard and arrive home feeling tired, and that he actually wants to go to bed to sleep, and not for a deep philosophical discussion or burining issues
I wonder whether maybe you are not each rather controlling, each in your own way, and the two ways clash ? But anyhow, in a calm discussion, maybe at the weekend when he has less reason to complain of feeling too tired, explain that it is fruitless for the relaionship to continue as it has been, and you would like to sort things out with him, which would need to be with a counsellor, or, if he is unwilling to work on fixing things, then maybe you'd better leave him, in a friendly but final fashion, hoping each of you could then find so meone more compatible ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Mr Roberts | 2009/09/30

leave that good.
he needs to sort himself out
you deserve better
now leave him now.u cant marry a man like that
there are still good men out there

good luck

Reply to Mr Roberts
Posted by: Really | 2009/09/30

Take a break..... maybe a permanent one!... this dude seems like a selfish self, sorry to say, he seems to have traits of an abusive person... he doesn' t care what you want for you or for the both of you! 25months wasted on this " relationship"  is not a lot of time to recover from and find someone who will consider the importance of a partner....... it takes two to tangle unless you want to break dance when he takes the side line and watch the view, or maybe you watch te view?

Run, run like hell and never look back......

In a few years.. you will be glad you left!

All the best.

Reply to Really
Posted by: oh | 2009/09/30

oh khumo he sounds so much like my ex.were are u guys from?
i eded up leaving because i was not happy and always worrying about his next mood or what response i am going to get from him when trying to talk,
i have a great man now
do you want to send the rest of your life feeling the way you are feeling now?am sure you dont.
you can do better,you deserve better.he controlling.too controlling.he needs help.and he can only get it after he admits he needs it.
what tribe is he?i see he is also stubborn

Reply to oh
Posted by: Khumo | 2009/09/30

Oh and I also forgot to mention his temper and lack of respect for me, my family and his (except his sister whom I thinks knows his as well as I do) think he the most respecting child God ever created, he raises his voice everytime we have differences, if anyone can shout its my man sometimes, he can call me with all sorts of names and then tell me I make him say all those things to him coz I push him too far I am even scared that with a temper like that he will start hitting me but he has assured me that he will never do anything like that. I think I am now depressed as I no longer enjoy the things I used to. How do I convince him that we need counseling? I have been reading some selfhelp books and bought him a book which he only read 2 pages (he has had the book for 9days now!)

Reply to Khumo

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