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Posted by: Shy | 2007/05/02

HELP! I'm shy

Hey...

I am a very shy person at school. This is really sad for me because I don't get to make any new friends. No one wants to be friends with someone that hardly spokes 5 words a day! I really want to change and become more comfortable around other people! I want to talk more! Can you please help???? I have a few friends, but tey are all extroverted, and don't always like to be around me because I'm so quiet! It feels like I have no friends and it's really hard to get into a relationship!

Please give me a few pointers!
Thank you

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageTeen expert

the main thing when feeling shy is not feeling confident about yourself and not having noticed what the positive things are about you. Discovering what is positive about you is the place to start - when you begin to realise that you are just as good as someone who is extroverted you will begin to speak up more.

If you really continue to battle, you could consider going to see a psychologist - some run groups for this kind of problem as it is quite common - so you are not alone!

Begin by naming one positive thing about yourself each day and noticing things you have done well each day no matter how small. From there you will begin to feel much more confident about yourself as a person and what you have to offer - you can still be quiet and be interesting and fun to be with at the same time you dont have to change your personality - rather how you see yourself.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Bman | 2007/05/06

Im exactly the same way and Im seeing a therapist about it and it has helped a hell of a lot. He taught me to put mysef in situations I would normally avoid and that way I will slowly get used to it. Another good thing I was taught was to sum up situations that you are expecting or in at the time. Like, say you are at school and you have a class forum disscusion and you teacher puts you in groups. Now this would be a situation that I would avoid any way possible and Im sure you would too. Instead, think to yourself:
1) I do have social phobia(coz u do)
2) Because I do, its obvious Im going to become very anxious
3) But most people would too if this situation
4) Nobody is judging me, only myself
5) This is going to last 10 minutes, it not the end of the world

Trust me, once you have told yourself these steps in your head, you do become less anxious. Also people like us who have social phobia tend to catastrifise, cascade and some other things that I cant remember. When you think to yourself, "oh no, this sux! Im gonna make a fool of myself coz Im so shy and because Im so shy, I am quiet, because Im quiet I cant be myself so I cant be liked and if Im not not liked I will have no friends and people will start talking about me behind my back...etc"....that was cascading. You were taking something simple and thinking one after the other something worse that "could" happen, but most probably wont.
To catastrifise, you think of the worst possible outcome to the situation you are in or expecting.
Picture this:
You open your room door, its dark, but there a bit of light shining through the side of the curtain, you see something on the floor 3 feet in front of you, its long, you think its a snake, so you become afraid and panic, you dont no what to do so you run out your room and shut the door in fear. Later you open the door again and switch on your light and see thats it was just you belt on floor. And now you feel much better.

So what Im trying to tell you is that you must "switch on the lights before you run in fear"
The situations you fear are usually, 98% of the time, nothin. Just remember that your "adience" wants you to succeed. If you have to go up on stage and play the guitar in front of hundreds, but your are too shy to move around on stage and be alive. The audience would rather watch you run around on stage and look alive and passionate than watch you just stand there, even if you feel stupid running around.

The comment before this was very right. The less you talk to somebody when they talk to you, the more they think you are actually a prick. Nobody assumes that your just shy, so if you havet o then just let people know that you are. I have done it in nearly every convesation nowadays. If somebody asks me to come to a party or sometime, I wont just say but instead say something like this, "no its cool thanks, Im very shy around people I dont know very well so it would be wierd for me. Its crazy I know, but thanks anyway"
They will understand instantly. But what you should really do if someone asks you to party for instance, you shoould maybe say, "I dont know, Im very shy around people I dont know ver well so it would be very wierd for me. I get very anxious, its crazy, I know. But I'll come and party hard anyway hahahaha"

Remember that nobode is jusdging you.,
Thats all I got :)
good luck

Reply to Bman
Posted by: guy | 2007/05/03

Find someone in either a class or an afterschool activity (if you arent in any clubs or workshops i really suggest getting involved in one) that you think has some qualities that you like or share. Approach them and say "hey, that was really funny, what you said before" or "I like your shirt, I'm a fan of that band/show/whatever too" or something like that. Just find people that you think you can feel comfortable around and try to talk to them. If there is a conversation going on on a subject that you feel strongly about, dont be afraid to interject (as long as you are not 100% strangers with the people). Dont cut your thoughts too short. if someone asks you a question be as detailed as possible without taking too long to get to the point or going way beyond the point. dont stop at yes, no, or good or whatever like that. The truth is that you can talk to anyone without them thinking badly of you as long as you dont come off as too rude, mean, touchy, or awkward. avoid making referrences to really obscure videogames or shows or books or else you will just make it weird for those you are talking about. if you make a joke or try to be funny dont laugh at yourself unless others laugh. dont yell, dont be loud, dont get up in anyone's face. um thats really it for now. a little advice on your first convo. hope it helps a bit

Reply to guy

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