Posted by: troubled | 2009/09/08

help for mother

my mother was 16 when her mother arranged for her marriage - a forced marriage. my father was a very very abusive man ( he is now deceased). my mother hates her mom with a passion and still goes into rages about what her mother did to her. no matter how much we try to reason with her - she can not seem to be able to let go of the past. How do I help her help herself. She goes into fits of anger and rage which is affecting the rest of the family.....

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Our expert says:
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Forced marriages are unfortunate and should be illegal. Aranged marriages are accepted in some religions and cultures, and seem to be more often eventually happy than one might think. But no form of marriage to an abuser should be tolerated, by spouse or by parent or by family. She needs to understand, though, that be insisting on continuing to be furious about what her mother did, she is keeping the hurt alive and keeping her own misery current --- the abusive man is gone, and her mother probably isn't greatly worried --- it is your mother herself who is sufering from her own anger. She should see a CNT style therapist / counsellor to help her find ways of dealing with this that will be more useful to her

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Our users say:
Posted by: Zee | 2009/09/10

Hi I used to hate my mom as well who abused me as a child and she still does not treat me as a matured woman. i spoke to someone who told me to live my life and told me that I am an adult and have control over my life. She suggested that I should cut my mother out of my life which I did. And now whenever I think about her I force my mind not to go there I concentrate on the good things that are and have happened in my life. I used to tell myself that before I let her back in my life she would have to tell me why she treated me that way.

The anger and pain has melted I try not to think about her and actually if I do I don' t feel anything to the extend that I dont want answers from her anymore. I feel blessed because I m happier and I have a good relationship with my kids.

Pls ask your mom to pray and forgive her mom, and try not to think about her. Thinking about her mom gives those bad memories power to destroy her, and maybe take time off from her mom and you must support her, she only has one life to live and she is in control of her life.

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