Posted by: sar | 2009/08/27


Hi Dr.. I need some clarity before having a nervous breakdown. I got married 3 years ago, and have 2 beautiful kids, I married a foreigner, he was supporting his family financially while he was there, when he came here he still is supporting his parents and sister(30years) , which I didn’ t have any objection to as they are elderly and have no source of income, the sister is working.. three years on and two kids down the line, he has his own business which to my knowledge is running aptly to see to it his creditors are paid and his parents get their monthly salary, he has never paid the rent or supported me or my children financially. All I know is he is supporting his parents and divorced sister who is working but refuses to share the household expenses knowing clearly that he has 2 kids now. What gets to me is I married this man but after 3 years he doesn’ t know me at all, he knows what his sister’ s likes are but if you ask him what u know of your wife he knows nothing, if we had to go shopping he will look at stuff what his sister likes then inorder to get it for his sister he will say you take one and then its clear for him to take one for her too, besides that I have to pay for this. I earn quite well so but the income but every month there is no funds left for anything that I want to do all goes into expenses which I wouldn’ t of had in the first place. I am at my wits end fighting a loosing battle to gain importance as his wife while his sister gains all the benefit from this marriage…  he cant see it actually he doesn’ t want to see it. I know fully now that he never loved me when we got married he blatantly told me this, he only married me to get out of that place as he was over ambitious… now come to think of it after 2 years he will get citizenship of SA then what as it is he says after every fight its best I must take the kids as I can take better care of them..he says that though I supported for 3 years while he lived here for free I haven’ t done anything great..please help me

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Our expert says:
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Its good for someone to feel responsibility for his parents ; for a sister who is working and should be able to support herself, maybe this should be less important to him But unless he sees his relationship with you as simply one of convenience ( does it help him to remain legally in this country and do business / work here ? ) he has to recognize that his primary responsibility has to be to you and his children and his marriage to you. Its nonsense to expect you or even allow you, to buy things for his sister.
I strongly suspect, from the story you tell, what he haas been simply calmly using you, exploiting you, and there is nothing honourable whatever in that. Consult a lawyer, and consider leaving him before you give him free citizenship, and get the court to order him to pay full maintenance fopr the children.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mymy | 2009/08/27

U SA ladies don' t EVER learn. It the wife u just helpping by taking good care of him and his needs (sex, cooking).

Ya! don' t ever trust any foreigner.

Reply to Mymy
Posted by: Lilo | 2009/08/27

thats not a his other have to leave can do better

Reply to Lilo

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