Posted by: TJ | 2009/01/24


ed by: tj
i am in a same sex marraige and my partner and i were forced to remove her 5 year old nephew from her sister due to abuse,neglect etc after his 1 year older brother died unnecessarily.he as well as his brother and all in his family are cronically ashtmatic.although they were meant to be on mainternance medication, they were not as their mother said she could not afford it, although she purchased her own mainternance medication.the children were moved to a farm in the northern cape because their mother elected to leave another job.job number 9 in the space of 6 months, and had no where else to go, having exhausted all family generosity.the farm has one of the highest polen counts in s.a, and is several hours away from a hospital naturally within 2 month the eldest son had an ashta attack and died instantly, in front of his younger brother.since then it has been a battle, but we have convince the mother to give him to us.within the space of a few months we have gone from doing everything alone, living together, working together, owning 2 houses, taking holidays as and when we wish, etc etc
we have had to sell our houses to move into the city bowl to be closer to the private school we decided to put him in, my partner has quit her job to spend more time with him, we have asked his great grandmother to live with us to help.
the ashtma medication he is on is caffiene based which makes him ... hyperactive. he is too scared to be alone EVER. which means we need to be with him all the time, including walking through the house to fetch something from one room to another, he has started acting out the sexual abuse he endured to other children and we have now we asked by my family not to let him * which obviously also means us * be around the other children
he is in private therapy, school therapy and we are doing eveything that we can for him
what i dont know is what to do for us
we have VERY different views as parents
for example i feel that giving a child of 6 years old dinner at 8.30 or 9.30 or 10
and putting a 6 year old child to bed btw 9 and 10.30 is not good for him
in fact my strong view is that it is also abusive
my partner does not
she is under so much strain as the child is clinging to her for exsistance and she is exhausted
which means she doesnt have the strength to keep to a routine
he will not let me do the bed time routine with him
i just dont know what to do
this is such a huge challenge we have taken on
and i feel like i have no help
we need to see a relationship and a family councelor but we cant afford to
because i work in a rediculously hectic career and am very high up in my company, i am at work btw 8.30 and 6 at the very least
and it is incredibly difficult for me to get out in the day
i am also bipolar and agorophobic which is making the transition to having 2 new people in my living space which has always been my absolute sanctuary HUGELY difficult for me
my partner does not understand that at all
i have never lived with people before for that reason
i moved out of home when i was 16 and am now in my 30'  s with a special need child and great grandmother to raise, support and finance
i am out of my depth
we are out of our depths
our "  support structure"  or lack there of is too involved to really help us
its my wifes family and my family and the two are very seperate
i do not get on with most of my wifes family although now are picking up the pieces of their bad mistakes
i just dont know what to do
i need help

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Thank you for visiting

I am heart felt for your situation but unfortunately, we have to live with the choices we make. I strongly suggest that you seek psychiatric assistance. It is important that you talk to your partner and to try and resolve the issues or to compromise finding an acceptable living standard.

The psychiatrist can prescribe medication to assist you over this difficult period. I also advice that the child is started on a steroid based inhaler to prevent asthma attacks. The newer medication on the market is very safe and effective.

Kind regards

Dr Anrich Burger

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