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Question
Posted by: Some Help | 2007/06/25

Help

Hi

I was wondering whether you could help me out here.
A family memeber had a heart attack infront of me on holiday about 6 months ago. Although I know that his death occurred and I was sad at the time, I now do not feel as though his death was real. It almost feels like a bad dream which I know is true but at the same time feels unreal? I am not sure if this makes any sence to you? Since then I have not been sleeping very well and I often think about how he past away. But it is almost the way he past away and the fact that I had no control over it that seems to be what is bothering me. I know he has past away and that it was an awful event and that I should not be feeling this way, however I think the event shocked me so much that I can't seem to get it out of my mind at times? I feel as though I am not letting myself really express how sad I am. Although I want to, I can't seem to.
Do you have any advise? I know this is something that takes time, but I just want to make sure that this is normal?

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Our expert says:
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That must obviously have been a very upsetting and distressing experience, SH,. Sudden and unexpected deaths often feel unreal, such that one intellectually knows what happened, and yet emotionally feels unconvinced. And all deaths, especially those which occur like this, remind us uncomfortably of both our mortality, and of our essential inability to control some of the very important elements of life. It does take time to get over such a loss, though by six months, though not over it, one might have hoped you'd be seeing some signs of progress. Seeing a counsellor with experience in grief difficulties, especially one of the CBT style, could be helpufl in resolving this grief and moving forwrds again

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