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Question
Posted by: JJGC | 2004/11/18

Help

Ok, how do I get my husband back?
He is so distant from me, he's quiet and aloof and he never smiles at me anymore. What worries me is that he smiles at other people all the time.
I touch him, when we're in the car, my hand on his leg, in a bar I'll even just stand behind him and gently massage his shoulders, not hanging all over and clingy, just gentle little reminders that I still luv him - because I do.
He kind of doesn't notice, he doesn't smiel at me, it;s like whether I was there or not, there'd be no difference. And then someone else says hi and he beams from ear to ear and gives them this magic sparkly smile.
He does still wnat sex though, but I ma havign such trouble enjoying it anymore. That's the only time I get some 'attention' so to speak is when we're in bed... ANd I need more. I need to be acknowledged as a human being and laughed with and relaxed with, responded to in SOME way shape or form.
I'm trying not to nag and bug him, but I seriously cannot be romantic with his current distant attitude... even when I'm talking, I get the feeling like it;s pleasant background noise to him... he doesn't listen to anything - not that I have the most amazing intellectual points of view, but just some kind of acknowledgement of "hey, you're here and you luv me, cool".
Crikey, doesn't he realise that I cannot keep running after him like an unnoticed puppy dog? I have no problem showing affection, but it's just not noticed - I mean there's nothing.
Why can other poeple (it's anyone els,e men, women, transvestites for pete's sake, ANYBODY but me...)
I'm so worried, how do I make myself noticeable?

PS : I've been sick for the past few days and completely out of energy, do you think this has an inpact - it;s just worse right now, but it;s been like this for thelast couple of months, though. I'm losing him. I would just like to first try and win him back before I consider leaving... How do I do that? I have tremendous resolve, but if I only irritating him now, and he won't tell me, what on earth can I do?

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Our expert says:
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What you wan't isn't unreasonable at all. Maybe if you tried a bit less hard, he might notice what was mising. WOuld he be persuadable that marriage counsellin could help you both a lot ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: NT | 2004/11/18

I don't blame you, there's nothing worse that being ignored. Just try and withdraw the attention you give him a little, then maybe he will realise what he is missing and been taking for granted.

Reply to NT
Posted by: ZAX | 2004/11/18

Sit down and Talk to your husband. tell hinm what you need from him. tell him how his actions affect you and your relationship. If he's heving problems create an environment that can allow him to confide in you. TELL him to shape up or ship out. At the end of the day, you are a loving caring wife who DESERVES BETTER THAN THAT!

Reply to ZAX
Posted by: Girl | 2004/11/18

I had the same problem with my husband he would talk and laugh with everyone but me. I thought if I bye him present, take him out, message his back etc he might notice me but he didn't. Reasons was work or anything reason not to talk to me. Eventualy we had a crisses and he just went on like nothing happen, i needed him to be there egnolige me but he didn't so I left him was not long he had friends and someone to replace me he refuse to work through our problems today we getting divorce and he still don't show any interest.What I'm surgesting is go on except your life as is or go for counseling. But I got out because my life is way beter being alone then living with someone that egnores me I find that more painful. The sooner the beter

Reply to Girl
Posted by: lulu | 2004/11/18

LOL Mona, shame... It'll pass, don't worry.

JJGC: Without nagging, take a quiet moment with hubby and explain to him that you need more than sex to make you feel loved. If he agrees, a therapist could be of tremendous help in getting you and hubby communicating again in no time.

Good luck!

Reply to lulu
Posted by: Maybe | 2004/11/18

Maybe you are trying too hard. He also needs to put in an effort. Try occuppying yourself with hobbies and interests. Tell him that you have tried and now you have run out of ideas and energy. He also needs to wake and realise what he is doing. Sex should be to celebrate love and it shouldn't happen for any other reason.

Reply to Maybe
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/18

I'm a bit scared to say anything today... but here goes... there was an email doing the rounds listing the diffs between men and woman, that was very true. It was about men being quite at night, watching tv, considering getting up getting another beer. Us woman see him sitting there quiet, immediately convert that into thinking he somehting is wrong, thoughts of what it could be drives us dilly, and meantime all he is doing is thinking about his beer.... Well the email was something like that. So sometimes we read more into a situation than what is really there.

But it does sound like the 2 of you could do with a nice romantic week away from everything, somewhere like the berg where is nothing but stunning views, fireplaces and bubble baths.

(Fingers crossed i dont get shouted at today) xxx

Reply to Mona

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