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Question
Posted by: vulnerable | 2004/02/24

help

Hi

I have to end a relationship of 4 years. It just cannot work because my bf's family won't accept me. They constantly give his number / email address etc to his ex gf's and so the past (which belongs exactly there) becomes part of our daily lives.

He also lied to me (several times) and this caused me to lose complete faith in him and in our relationship. I wonder if it will help for us to go for counseling, what do you think?

I mean, can a councilor stop him from telling lies and stop his family from interfering? He has spoken to his mom about this once, but she wouldn't stop. I'm so sick and tired to be compared with all his ex gf's.

I've tried everything to explain in a nice way that it hurts me but every time we try to talk, it ends up in a fight, he makes empty promises and never follows them through.

There are far more tears than smiles in our relationship, and this is why I think I must break up. The problem is that we work together, live together & share a car (his). I can't break up and face him at work every single day - how will I get over him if I see him all the time? I can't quit my job. I don't have family or friends near, they live in other cities far away, so I feel hopeless about this situation.

What can I do? Please, any advise will help. I know I have to make a decision, but I also know, no matter what I decide, there will be consequences...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It does indeed sound like a relationship with significant problems in it. Relatonship counselling can't stop him from telling lies, or force him to confront his meddling family. What it can do, if both parties sincerely take part in it, is to help him to understand what it is that he and his family are doing, how it is affecting you, how unfair it is, and perhaps to help him to find the motivation to change, if he is capable of doing so. A counsellor can't "MAKE" anyone do anything, but they can help someone do do something they want to do, even if it is hard to do ; and they can help someone to recognize what they ought to want to do.
I also understand your point that the current situation makes it difficult to break up, but it is still possible to do so, maybe not precipitately, but with gradual planning. You can look for an alternative place to stay, maybe to share with someone else who works where or near where you do, with whom you could also share a ride, for instance.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Remember | 2004/02/24

This reminds me of my sister in law after my husband then boyfriend broke up with his ex long after that she still bought presents for his ex everytime she'll go visit and pretend as if she hasn't seen her in months. I thought wel can be friends but she lied about her brothers' ex everytime. Now I don't say anything to her anymore.

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