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Question
Posted by: Crushed | 2004/03/07

heartbreaking move

My bf is moving to Richards Bay in about 3 or 4 weeks time, he told me today. He's going there for about 2 years to study (the business hes working for is sending him there, all costs covered) and do an apprenticeship. He'll be there for a few months then go to Mozambique for a few months then back to Richards Bay and so on. I'm completely heart broken though that I won't be able to see him for so long. He says its best if we take a break and see what happens in 2 years. Hes says its not fair on me to make me wait for him. But I dont want anyone else, I only want him. I want to go with to Richards Bay, but how am I gonna find a job there, where am I gonna live etc? I don't want to lose him, and I cant bear the thought of not seeing him for so long, or being with him. I cry just thinking about it. What am I to do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear Crushed,
I'm with Carol on this one. Sounds like a great opportunity for your bf, though a disappointment for you. Discuss this with him and explore how realisic it might be to accompany him. Maybe they can even find a job in the same company ? On the other hand, think over what Jan has said --- it is possible that your bf is far less commited to the relationship than you are, and quite content with a possible separation for this time. he sadness at the sudden news and the prospect of separation is of course entirely normal, though very uncomfortable. You will get over this, in less time than may at present seem possible, to you.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Crushed | 2004/03/08

But how do i stop the hurting.Every time i just think of it, i wanna burst into tears. My heart is breaking into a thousand pieces and I cant bring myself to do anything else. Im hurting so much right now. Its not like things were going bad and so we breaking up cuz we not compatible or anything, its worse. Hes going to another town for 2 years and I cant be there, and things were going so well!

Reply to Crushed
Posted by: Juzlisen | 2004/03/08

Dear Crushed

As harsh as Jan may seem he is right your two are still very young - if your boyfriend is serious belive me he will return to you. You should be proud that he doing something to further his education and to grow as a person. Maybe when he comes back the two of you can get together again. Dont run after him, you should never abandon your whole life because your boyfriend is moving to another town.

Reply to Juzlisen
Posted by: Crushed | 2004/03/08

Thats harsh Jan. Its a good career opportunity for him, and I know hes thought it through, he wants to make something of himself. I just dont wanna lose him. He loves me, and I know that for a fact, and I love him so so so much. He was the first guy I ever made love to, and i want him to be the last.

Reply to Crushed
Posted by: Jan | 2004/03/08

Crushed

You are not listening to what your boyfriend is saying, you are hearing what you want to hear. He has accepted a post in another town, he had a choice and he agreed, he was not forced. He has told you that its best you part and go your own separate ways, he has called it off.

You are wondering if you should follow him. Do you really think that this has not occurred to him? Do really believe that he has not though this through? He is 20, so are you, and he has decided his fortunes lie elswhere.

Tough as it is, you have to accept that when he was confronted with a choice between his job and you, he chose his job....

Let go and move on.

Reply to Jan
Posted by: Crushed | 2004/03/08

Thanks Carol. I do really wanna go with him. We're both young still, we're both 20, no kids. I would do anything for him. I still need to speak seriously to him bout going to Richards Bay.

Reply to Crushed
Posted by: Carol | 2004/03/07


this sounds like a good move for your boyfriend .. i assume he is still young so anything realted to a good career move is worthwhile.

as far as youa re concerned if you realy wish to go with him .. speak to him about it ... where there is a will there is a way , if its meant to be u will find a place to stay and a job .. you people are young ? you probably dont have children yet ?
use this time now to improve yourselves .. you can also do it, take a chance while u can you never know whats around the next corner , life is an adventure .. take it.

Reply to Carol

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