Posted by: Angel | 2008/09/17

Heart broken with no right to feel so...

My ex fiance'  and I were together for almost 7 years. We recently seperated ( I felt he took me for granted). I have developed feelings for a friend of ours. I have NOT acted on any feelings towards this other guy, I feel it'  s just too soon.
I still love my ex very very deeply, I just feel I'  m not INlove with him anymore.
I insisted that my ex and I remain good friends (we have seen eachother almost every weekend since the seperation).
This past weekend he lied to me about going to a braai with friends whom I know, while I went to another friends birthday party. It turns out he lied to me, and actually went to meet a girl he met on some sms chat service.
I feel so badly hurt and betrayed, even though I feel I have no right to feel like this seeing as I ended our relationship.
I am so confused. I cannot eat or sleep, and when I do manage to fall asleep, I wake up sobbing.

I feel like I just can'  t let go, or imagine him with another woman. I can'  t believe how quickly he moved on seeing as just a week before this lie was uncovered, he was still telling me how he stilll loves me. He was already smsing this other girl while he still made me feel like he still loved me.
Please, please, please advise.... My heart feel broken in a thousand different places. ....

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You're right to avoid rebound relationships, but no harm in having non-romantic friends, too. It sounds as though the terms of your parting have remained ambiguous. As you say, if he is your ex, it shouldn't matter to you who he sees, and he shouldnt have to tell you about everyone he sees, Maybe by meeting each week, you're delaying the stage of getting over this, by keeping the relationship alive uncomfortably rather than actually ending it. Youy actually don't sopund as though you have meaningfully ended the relationship at all --- its more as though you tol him it was over, but expected something different from him. Its not that you CAN'T let him go, but that you haven't chosen to atually let him go. See a counsllor tomsort out all these unnecessary emotional ambiguities.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: zahara | 2008/09/17

Take it from a girl who knows.. guys are different to girls. We need time to grieve.. the way guys get over a break-up is to move onto the first available girl.

Th best way to get over it is to keep busy. If you sit at home, you will feel sorry for yourself. You need to phone up some girlfriends and tell them to take you out.. keep you busy to take your mind off things. Slowly, you will start to feel whole again. It' s a painful process, but when you laugh your first genuine laugh again, you will be amazed and realise that you' ve made it!

U mentioned this other guy you have feelings for. I say go for it! You need to let go of your ex now. Sometimes the best wake-up call is knowing he' s with someone else. Now you can stop fantasizing about the 2 of you getting back together and you can move on. Don' t rush things with this other guy.. take it slow.. But don' t deprive yourself of love either!

Good luck! xx

Reply to zahara
Posted by: tazzy | 2008/09/17

You are contradicting yourself. First you say you love him but not inlove with him... yet you cant see him with another. Are you sure it just plain love and not " inlove' ? Coz if you just love him you would urge him to move on and would not hold it against him. i think you still in love with him and the reason u broke up with him is for him to catch a wake up on how he treats you. you never expected him to move on so fast thats why u feel so betrayed. In actual fact the break up was never meant to be permanant, just a slight diversion for him to realise that he should not take advantage of you.

Reply to tazzy
Posted by: EL | 2008/09/17

I think that' s his way of getting over you.

Reply to EL
Posted by: ME | 2008/09/17

Gal. you need to get over him. He does not love you anymore, He just want to use you.

Reply to ME

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.