Posted by: Broken | 2003/12/03

Heart broken by Time

This is more of a Statement than a Question..........
My girlfriend left me, because she needed TIME(or so she claimed).
We were very young when we started dating, Im 26 now and we dated for 10 years.
Everyday she called me on the phone, stating how much she loves me, and that this time was good for her as she needed to grow within herself, so that she could be a better person, for me and her.
Unfortunately it turned out to be the biggest load of rubbish, as she called me one day at work, and stated to me that she has found someone else.
After 10 years of giving my life to this woman. Heart and soul, do i really deserve this kind of treatment.
It broke me, thousands of little pieces, knowing that the Angel I knew, could do this to me. It was not that she had left me, but the way that it was done. Dragging out my pain for months, before dropping the BOMB. Ive come to realise that the only reason she needed the time to SORT HERSELF OUT, was actually to make it easier on herself, to be without me and to get used to the fact that she can cope without me.
I still dream about her all the time, and its so difficult to see her in a bad light, as i loved her with everything I am. I keep on asking myself, Is it fair that I feel all the PAIN???????

I must thank all the readers for their good advice to some of my questions and to CYBERSHRINK for this amazing site, which allows one to vent their frustrations.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear Broken,
Sadly, I've heard many similar complaints on this site alone, and it seems as if that request for "time" to "find oneself" is ominous, and too often seems to mean time to find someone else. People can and do grow apart, to the point that a separation and new relationships may be the wisest decision. But to leave someone in this specific fashion, with lies and excuses and subterfuge ( now There's a word I haven't used lately !) in the cruellest and most hurtful way, and then to break up by phone, not bothering to have the decency to do it face to face, is sabby. You don't deserve the pain ; and digest this episode well. It doesn't mean there's anything at all wrong with you, but it does mean that she was by no means as perfect and angelic as you believed.
Hope it helped to vent some steam, and that you'll soon find someone more deserving of your love.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Ditto | 2003/12/05

Greetings Broken'... All i can say is sorry chap... I know from my personal experiences it not too lekker and it aint an easy thing to get over!

While reading your story i was thinking it was almost an exact page out of my life! The 1st of Dec was a year since my ex pulled the some thing on me... we were also early high school sweet hearts - and she also needed some time to sort her self out! ( I suppose like Lady Nina said above - people grow up, change and want different things)

My advise is to try get on with your life... live and do things for yourself and those close around you... surround your self with some good lively friends and just have some old fashion fun and laughs! I know that its easier said than done... but it really helps open your eyes and restores your faith and trust in this world that’s not too bad... full of decent people waiting to be found!!

I wish I could say the feelings and pain goes away with time... but i think when a person is in a serious relationship for so long and you love the person whole heartedly... no matter what... at the end of the day you will always have feelings for the person... So I personally think the feelings / pain never truly goes away... we just learn to deal / cope with it better!

All the best Broken'... Keep your chin up & hoping you find some one that you truly deserve & visa versa !


Reply to Ditto
Posted by: Starlite | 2003/12/04

Hey man,I can understand what you going through.I'm now 21 and my hear was broken when I was 15 by a girl that I trully loved,she broke my heart at least twice during those times and I never stopped loving her.It turned out I was not what she wanted at the time.We lost contact for a couple of years until this year,we started calling each other and she finally told me that she loves me.I was over the moon when that happened since I had not really gotten over her during all these years(+-5years).By the way,as one would expect,she leftme for other people and worse,after she had dumped me she went around telling people and her freinds how boring I was blahh...blah..blah.All those things came to my ears at the time and it kept crushing me.Right now,we are back together and things were perfect during the first few months bt right now,I'm haunted by everything that happened in the past,its all coming back and I can't seem to be able to make peace with it.I want to forgive her but my heart just cant.I dont understand why she had to break my heart the way she did and I find it hard to accept her now although we arew still together but our relationship is just going down because of the past that we have.I keep telling myself that she did everything because she was still young bt my heart disagrees.I've been trying to fight this for months bt it wouldnt leave me alone.I think I still luv her bt maybe because of what happened,it can never be like before.Its like I want her to suffer for what she did bt thats not really true.I'm sory coz this was your posting bt I thot I should share my experience with you and any help from the forum users would be appreciated. TAKE CARE

Reply to Starlite
Posted by: woman | 2003/12/04

What happened to you is not fair, I agree.

U sound like a genuine, loving guy and u don't deserve to be treated like that.

I do agree though, that what u want in someone is different than at 16 and that u do limit yourself at that age to become too comitted too soon.

Maybe it is better for her to break it off now rather than later - when you're married and have kids? if you've lived through a divorce you'll understand the devastating effect it has on people involved.

I am sure you will meet someone in time that u can love again.
In another 10 yrs time you will be thankful that it didn't work out and that you moved on. Mark my words.

Hang in there - it will not be easy, but it will be worth it

Reply to woman
Posted by: Mona | 2003/12/04

Hiya, i can see the pain in your message, and although it doesnt feel like it now, and you most probably think i'm lying, but it does get better! Time heals all wounds. Best thing you can do is to hang out with some friends, and do things that you enjoy.
And yes, i dont understand why people hurt other people by telling them that they have found someone else. Yes, they have to break up and move on, but surely they she didnt have to tell you about the new person...
Anyways, good luck, it does get better!! She obviously wasnt meant to be. There are lotsa other girls out there that will make you even happier than this one did! x

Reply to Mona
Posted by: lady nina | 2003/12/04

hi there

my dear friend what is attractive for a girl at 16 in not likely to be what she wants ten years later - a lot of teenage marriages doesn't last for this exact reason - and i assume you guys were doing most of the things married people does - thus making your pain just as real

people grow apart and some even grow up, i don't agree with you that she treated you badly - she was very wise to take time out and see wether what you guys had was still what she wanted - sounds like she met this guy while you were still a item and felt attracted to him and it must have been pretty scary and n confusing time for her - most people act very irrisponsible when emotions are a new and often hurt people they care about - however it seems like she acted very responsible by not cheating you but telling you things are busy changing and she needs time to ajust and learn to cope

i personally hope my girls doesn;t get so deeping involved at such a young age! teenage years should be a time were you find out your strenghts and weaknesses and find happiness within and also to prepare yourself for a live ahead - i do hope my girls meet lots of guy friends and even have their hearts broken at a young age so they can learn what they want and need and expect from a partner and also that love is a wonderful but just as painful

start enjoying your 20's it a wondeful time of opportunity

take care


Reply to lady nina

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