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Question
Posted by: Margo | 2005/01/07

Hear Broken Mom

Hello to Cyber Shrink and to all in the forum !
I am a single mom aged 52. How does one get over the holidays...when all the children and grandchildren have to return to their homes ie. the UK, St. Lucia, KZN and another visiting in Beaufort West ? When we said our goodbyes it felt as though a piece of my heart had been ripped out of my body, I could not breath and I felt completely numb. Every room of my home was a memory. This was the first time I had seen my eldest son ( UK) in 5 yrs and met my granddaughter. My eldest daughter and two grandsons KZN decided to settle 7 months ago in KZN . My youngest daughter went to visit her fiances "friends" in Beaufort West. So there I was broken up and on my own.
I know there are people who are far worse off than me who probably dont ever see their children. I was fortunate enough for them to visit.
I am just so terribly torn up in side. How do I get over this ??
I do have many wonderful friends, but they cannot fill that empty feeling !
I hate having to say goodbye ! Is there a book I could read to teach me not to love so much and how to let go.?
Regards

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Ech, Margo, I suspect the holidays are more of a nightmare for most people, than they'd care to admit. You will, of course, get over this. Meanwhile, you can either focus on the sorrow of missing them all now that they've gone home, or on the pleasure it was to have them with you for a time. Have you thought of getting more involved in charities and other such activities, where you will be able to help others, and get involved with a nice group of people ? Your aim ddoesn't need to be an atempt to love less, but maybe to find a different way of loving, not dependent only on their physical presence.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Waterblom | 2005/01/10

Hello Jacqui

Thank you.
I'm very happy that they have made these chioces and that they are all doing so well. I'm worried about me... I cant understand WHY I hurt so much. I'm not the only parent with children living away from home, cities and other countires. It just take me so long to get over the seperation.
But, thanks to all who replied, I'm starting to look the new year in the face and get on with my life. I also do know as much as I love my children, they to love me. It's just the choices they made that make it difficult. We will get through it. (that is... I will)

Rich blessings to all of you in the New Year.

Marge

Reply to Waterblom
Posted by: waterblom | 2005/01/08

Margo,
All my children are overseas. My husband and I were the ones who made the decision to come home for a period of time. Saying goodbye to the children and grandchildren wasn't easy and we do miss them but knowing how well and happy they are make up for a lot.
So instead of feeling miserable I enjoy being home and think of all the postiveness my children and their families are experiencing. In other words I put emphasis on the positive and the feelings of seperatness and missing soon turn into ones of positveness and above all gratitude.
I hope this help.
Blessings,
Jacqui

Reply to waterblom
Posted by: Margo | 2005/01/07

Thank you Ice.

God Bless

Reply to Margo
Posted by: Ice | 2005/01/07

Hi Margo.

I really feel for you.
I don't think you should try not to feel love, or not to love so much... you love your children very much obviously and just remember that even though they are far away, they still need that love! Parental love to most human beings is a very essential thing, don't forget that.

I can understand that it must hurt to see them go again, and it's no consolation to say that you will see them again someday, because the loneliness and distance must really get to you, and it must be terrible for you.

all I can say is that we are here for you to listen at any time you might want to pour out your heart, you are truly welcome to do that anytime.
sorry I couldn't offer any solid advice except for that we all feel for you.

Reply to Ice

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