Posted by: Boo | 2009/01/19

He' s so bad for me but I still love him

Hi everyone.
I can almost predict the answers I' m going to get...
My problem is the guy I was with. He' s been unemployed for 8 months, and I have been supporting him. He had no desire whatsoever to get up and find employment, despite all my help and urging. His attitude towards me gave me the impression that he wanted me around so that he wouldn' t be lonely, and because it was convenient to have a quietly supportive woman around to pay the bills and look after him. I sacrificed my own luxuries and happiness so that he wouldn' t have to do without.
He wasn' t very affectionate or demonstrative, and the sex would be rare, and when it did happen, was merely a perfunctory quickie. He was possessive, jealous, and yet commitment phobic (he was afraid of even calling me his girlfriend)He was constantly criticising everything I did, he drank too much, smoked too much, and never helped clean around the house, despite the fact that he was at home all day. He only bathed when I put my foot down, and brushed his teeth maybe once a week. He farted constantly, was crude and impolite to family, and was a general layabout. On saturday, we got into an argument which led to him pushing me around and breaking my car. Needless to say, I had had enough and left, hiding at my mother for a while before going back to my flat (we don' t live together). I haven' t been talking to him. He has been doing his best to charm me back, now only calling me his girlfriend, apologising and grovelling... And yet for all his faults, I still love him. Maybe I' m scared of being alone, but I' d rather be alone the rest of my life than go back to what he was. I want to be strong, but I' m scared that I' ll end up back with him.
Please help. I have so much potential, but if I get back with him it' ll be like pulling the wings from a butterfly... I' m scared of being with him but also scared of being without him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You are describing a lazy bum who is using you, and you know it. Ignore his attempts to charm you back into that dud relationship. After reading your description, one has to wonder --- what on earth do you love about him ? Or are so you desperate to be in love, that it's your fantasies about what he MIGHT be that you love, rather than the grisly reality of what he is ? See a counsellor to work on your low self-esteem with CBT, and prepare for an independently happy life.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Boo | 2009/01/19

Thank you...
I even have his mother sending me messages now, to please contact him...
Thinking back, even when he was acting like a prince charming he was still a little green and warty!!!
I have a lot to offer, and deserve a man who will treat me in a decent way... and if I can' t find one, I' ll just get myself a puppy for company, and a vibrator for tension relief (lol)!!!
Thanks guys!

Reply to Boo
Posted by: Why??? | 2009/01/19

Sorry to hear about your illness. That is also a reason to run like hell. He does not deserve you. Furthermore, he never was the prince charming - it was just an act. He really is not the man you thought he was. I hope you find the courage to leave him.

Think about it like this : will he, by some miracle change into Prince charming again, or will this happen once he finds another victim to leach on?

You are worth more than this! You are a bright young woman with loads of love to give to the right man. This louse is not it.

I wish you all the best!

Reply to Why???
Posted by: Boo | 2009/01/19

He' s changed totally from the man I fell in love with...
He was charming, took care of himself, treated me properly, and we used to dance together most nights...
My Prince Charming turned into a frog, alas...
It' s just so hard to be strong right now, he was the first guy I went out with after a 5 year dry stage (I have crohns disease and it destroyed my self-esteem and confidence).
I know that I just have to be strong for a while, until I realise that I' m worth better...
Thanks guys.

Reply to Boo
Posted by: Yeah | 2009/01/19

Read post - 1367. This is what this rubbish will be like in 2 yrs time! Nice, isn' t it?

Reply to Yeah
Posted by: Why??? | 2009/01/19

Girl, you don' t love him, you feel sorry for the low down SOB. You act as if you are his mother!! NO, NO get yourself together and let him fend for himself. How do you think it will be two years down the line? Will he all of a sudden change into this ambitious, courteous, caring man who takes pride in himself? Someone who will treat you like a princess? He obviously has you just where he wants - a slave and someone who is satisfied to be his caregiver. He will not change - imagine having a boyfriend who takes care of you! No, you come first and should always do. Get rid of this piece of rubbish and get someone that will love you, and at the very least bath and brush his teeth on a daily basis! Sis man! Men like him will get you pregnant just to force you to stay. Kick him to the curb as soon as possible. You sound like a wonderful, caring and stable girl - don' t let him ruin your life. Take a tip from an old fool. RUN

Reply to Why???
Posted by: Listen up girl ! | 2009/01/19

I would be interested in why exactly you " love"  this big time loser ? Why do you girls put up with that ? Come on girl get some guts and just chase him away like the sad sack of manure he is. What' s to love ??? I take it you are a sweet person and a lady to boot. How can you in all honesty really want to be with this dirty creep, or let him near you. Have you ever stopped to think how you embarass yourself every moment you are with him ? Do not demean yourself, you deserve a whole lot better. Just look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how great you are and that you are not prepared to spend another day with the sack. Then just DO IT and get rid of him !! You will feel very empowered when you do that. Go for it !!

Reply to Listen up girl !

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