Posted by: JOLA | 2004/11/22


I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for five years now and when i think things are getting better they seem to be getting worse. We have a daughter together, and i keep trying because she loves her daddy.

When she was 3 months old, i was going through depression and instead of him helping me through it he runs to another woman's arms. He slept out every weekend, this went on for about six months when he ended the relationship. I was a fool, but I was going through a crisis on my own. We moved into a flat together and I forgave him. All this time he has never had a job and eventually we lost the flat. I however scraped all my pennies together and go another flat. He then met a guy and started going to stip clubs. He was also heavily involved with action cricket and went there 5 out of 7 days. Me and baby hardly ever saw him. I lost my job because of me worrying about my domestics. We eventually were kicked out of the secong flat and I moved back home and he went to stay with this friend of his. We were apart for four months and in all that time he only came to see his daughter twice. In the November he slowly made his way back into my life and i thought we could give it another go, but it is up and down all the time. He is so wrapped up in himself and his friends, me and G fall second if not last to all his needs. I have tried to give him the boot but he thinks i am a joke. He thinks he is sooo awsome. I cannot seem to get rid of him.

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Our expert says:
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Children are highly skilled at loving, even if some of the people they choose to love prove to be very disappointing. Frankly, this guy in your life is not behaving like much of a man, and showing no sort of responsibility, getting no job and wasting money in strip clubs, and playing action cricket ! Pathetic. I think you're right, that he is far too selfish and immature to be a proper partner and father, and too wrapped up in himself, and his selfish pleasures.
It shouldnt be so dfficult to get rid of him, especially as you're now living at home. he has no right to visit you there without your permission, and you don't need to see him or speak to him otherwise. If he wants to claim a right to see the child, he'll also have to accept the responsibility of paying maintenance towards helping with her expenses.

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Our users say:
Posted by: LADY NINA | 2004/11/22

Hi there

read posting 12849 and LEARN


Reply to LADY NINA
Posted by: 555 | 2004/11/22

Jola, i don't know if it's you who thinks he is awesome or it's him. But whatever way, you are the one who makes him do what he is doing to both of you. You say you have tried to give him a boot and he thinks you are a joke, yes... you are if not you are acting like one. Standp up to your word. Why do you give him a boot but when he comes you take him back? He knows that he can leave you whenever he wnats and come back cos you allow him.

Please know this... Every time you take him back after he'd left, he loses more respect for you. Try leaving hin once and see how quick he leaves you without even considering taking you back, and have you replaced before you finish begging his forgiveness!

Men will not respect us if we don't respect ourselves. They will use us up. They will tell us all we need to hear and feed on every insecurity and low self-esteem issue we've ever had, just to get what they want when they want it. Those are not the women they make their wives. Those are not the women they respect.

Now girl, it is time for you to respect yourself and stop allowing to be used!. It only depend on you to get rid of this awesome, irresponisble guy. You might have a child together but this is not a licence to be used.

I hope you come to your senses for your daughter's sake cos this guy is not good for both of you.

Good luck.

Reply to 555
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/22

Hi Jola,

Well I think you said it all in your posting. Maybe you can actually put these down onto paper so ot onstantly gives you something to wok on.
Don't despair Jola, you have the need to want to cange your circumstance, so just take some action on these things.
If you wanted, you could get assistance from people Like POWA, or even the LifeLine help-line above here.

When you were a baby, they spoke about baby-steps. so try doing these in good measure, & you will see the benefits. Ofcourse there'll be ups & downs, but also take the effort to conemtplate on these so you could be ready when it hits you.

You've said it all above Jola, good for you. Now just start taking the necessary action.


Reply to Shaun
Posted by: girl next door | 2004/11/22

Hi there Jola

Why hang on to someone who shows no signs of respect or love u as much as u do? I would suggest that u give him a serious boot and show him that u r an independent lady and u can survive. As for his daughter he will always be the father and u need 2 give him time table of when he can see his baby.

I just hope u will soon realise that letting him go is not such a bad idea, otherwise u will end up hurting u'self.


Reply to girl next door

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