Posted by: Frustrated | 2008/11/20

He' s never in the mood!

My bf &  i, have been together approx 3 years. We' ve had our ups and downs in the begining of the relationship, thus being intimate was the furthest thing on my mind. Now that we have found stability in our relationship, i want to be intimate more often, but he does not want to. If we have sex once a month it' s a lot. I know with certainty he' s not cheating on me, but im clueless as how to handle the situation. I have talked to him about it, and everytime he gave me different reasons as to why he' s not in the mood. Yesterday however, he told me, that lately he just doesnt have the urge and that (according to him) is the honest truth. He says he thinks he' s becoming older. Now, this might be it, but i have my doubts, as he is ONLY 31, we' re not married, have no children, etc. Am i overreacting here?
I also told him that it doesnt necessarily have to be intercourse, but i need intimacy. We dont even kiss! Sometimes i wish he would just hold me, without me having to ask for it.
I think teenagers have more fun than i do.
Please give me some advise? I am at wits end.
Very sad!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

At the age of 31, he is unlikely to have severe erectile problems due to medical conditions, but he may be taking some kind of medication that causes this, or he may have depression (both erectile dysfunction and depression of things that men just did not acknowledge all talk about). Talk about it with him, and substitute some other form of stimulation that he can perform on you, which does not involve penile penetration. If all else fails, go for a medical checkup.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2008/11/20

Also frustrated, dont even joke about it. I am really thinking of cheating. And now that i am thinking of cheating you will not believe me when i tell you how many oppetunities i had since i thought about it. And what do i do. I JUST DON' T TAKE IT WHEN IT IS PRESENTED. .................. Yeassssss i don' t know. But you see now also i give flowers (like always) i give messages (like always) i sms in the day (like always) so she is use to dose things. Maybe i must stop doing it ............ but i cant because i like to do nice things for her, i like cooking for her, i like to hold her close to me for hours in front of the TV................. Shit i dont know....

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Also frustrated | 2008/11/20

I think we all need to have sex with each other! lol. just jokes.

I can' t even advise what to do when a woman is not up to it. Cos I' m in the opposite boat.

Maybe try and help her relax. Give her a bubble bath with candles and champagne. Make her feel sexy. Apparently one of the ways to get it going is to give a massage - but with no expectation. If something happens, great stuff. If nothing, better luck next time.

Problem is we' re all so used to being turned down. And the fear of yet another rejection is too much to handle. I' m ay a point where I' m so ready to just give up. If by next year things don' t come right...I' m either going to try and find a therapist for us both, or simply leave him.

Reply to Also frustrated
Posted by: anon | 2008/11/20

I have the same problem, it is just that my wife never want sex, and i have quite a good sex drive. And yes guess what i am 31 year old. And i want sex atleast 4 times a week. I dont know what to do eather ............................

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Posted by: Poepie die Pes | 2008/11/20


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Posted by: Also frustrated | 2008/11/20

Frustrated, I' m in exactly the same boat as you. It' s been going on with me for more than a year now. Everything that you said now, i slike words that have come out my mouth before.

I guess I' m just trying to give some comfort in that you' re not the only one. My husband and I have been going through this for a while now. He also says he simply doesn' t have the urge anymore. I don' t get it. We used to have the best sex life.

I wish this were all just a bad dream, and that I' d wake up and find him erect waiting for sex.

Like you...I also have to always ask for everyhting - even if it' s just a hug or kiss. I' m always initiating. It' s really bad.


Reply to Also frustrated
Posted by: Sg | 2008/11/20

This appears to be a rather common problem with either partners these days.I have always had sex 4-5 times a week but got remarried a few years back and my wife finds every excuse not to.I have tried everything I know but without success.
I am older than 31 and terribly frustrated so I can only imagine how you feel.

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