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Question
Posted by: MIMI | 2004/11/08

He will never change

I posted last time about a month ago , I was on the edge of a divroce ,I still don't know what to do to be quit honest , my husband is an alcoholic because when ever he drinks he can not stop and he ALWAYS drinks over the weekend , even on a Sunday he will have 4 beers or 4 brandy and coke , he alwyas wants to invite people over on the weekend to have a braai or what ever , his whole family is also heavy drinkers and I simply decided to NOT go there any more , it is my life and it irretates me a hell of alot to look at them all drunk and doing sillly things , my haert is so sore because when I told my husband I want a divorce he was realy frightend , he realy trys hard and I can realy see in is attitude towards to kids he is trying , BUT he told me that I can not expect from him to stop drinking ever , he's just carefull now , what kind of commitment is this , every time I see this glass in his hand image the "dead" feeling comes over me , he is never going to change again is he ?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It's not enough, surely, for him to just "try hard" all on his own --- hee needs professional help from a shrink and AA, if he's serious about changing. Anyone who says they can't imagine living without drinking, has a drink problem.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Foxy | 2004/11/08

Does he only drink so heavily over weekends?? Because if that is the case then he is not an alcoholic. An alcoholic drinks everyday from the moment he/she opens their eyes till they go to bed and they will do ANYTHING for alcohol. And you say your husband will drink 4 beers/4 brandys and coke? That is also not heavy drinking. And if he was an alcoholic he would not have wanted to try to change, the moment you said to him you want a divorce he got scard, an alcoholic would have told you to get lost. Ask me I know. Maybe try to be there more for him and not just think about yourself

Reply to Foxy
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/08

Hi Mimi,

I am sorry to hear that you're not having success, but I do thank you for the feedback.
The above is true, as I have mentioned before. If he doesn't want to be helped, or doesn't want to change, there is basically nothing you can do Mimi.
At this point I can only suggest that you think of you & the kids. I'm am sure you know I am against giving up until you know in your heart that you have tried your best. I think you should ask yourself this question Mimi.

I really am sorry you are not having success right now. Alcohol has the effect of making you think you're always right & nobody knows better than you. As you also know it is very addictive but your husband does not realise that he is addicted. I mentioned to you before about tough love, maybe you could consult with a counsellor to this effect if you feel you're not altogether ready to throw in the towel. But please don't hang on to this hope to the detriment of your self-worth.

My answer to your question is yes, he can change, but he has to want to first...

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Kay | 2004/11/08

If you have told him its you or the drink and he refuses to give up the drink then quite frankly he has a serious problem. But as with all adictive problems he's not going to change until he sees that he does have an addiction to it - if ever. It a tough decision for you and I suggest you contact on counsellor to assist you in your decision.

Reply to Kay
Posted by: Zee | 2004/11/08

I m afraid ur husband has an alcohol addiction, and cannot change until he wants to change. There is no way u can make him change. I advise u guyz go 4 marriage counsellling

Reply to Zee

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