Posted by: NB | 2008/08/08

he moved out but we' re still dating?!


I' ve been dating my boyfriend for 4 yrs, we have a daughter together. We lived together for a yr, but after a huge fight last week he moved out and moved in with his family. he still wants a relationship with me and wants us to see where it goes. i feel like he shouldve stuck around so we could work it out together. If we can' t work it out together on teh same house, how will we ever have a marriage one day. He seems happier away as he can do his own thing now... he does call us everyday and comes home often, but it feels like he prefers to stay on his own. I would like to get married one day and I really love him. But I want to be a part of his life not a spectator.... it feels as if we' re moving backwards by not being partners anymore.
It hurts to watch him not sharing his life with us. I don' t want to spend the rest of my life as his girlfriend... and I g\find it so lonely without him at home. I don' t know what to do. i don' t want to lose him but I' m so scared if I agree to be his girlfriend and not his life partner anymore we will never take a step forward to eventually getting married.....
Pls help me... I' m too emotional right now to think rationally.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Call me old-fashioned ( and some readers will be eager to do so ) but to me, if you've had a child together, you;re already well beyond dating. Why don't you two see a relationship counsellor together and try to work things out more seriously and more successfully ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: NB | 2008/08/11

thank you so much for sharing your experiance with me.... a much more rational approach!

Reply to NB
Posted by: me | 2008/08/08

From experience....I lived with my BF for 2.5yrs...I naturally had this expectation that the next step would be marriage..and I was completely in my comfort zone...Then something happened in our lives which resulted in him moving out...I struggled to adapt as I was so used to him living with me...At the end of the day, our relationship took on a new..and better meaning after he moved out...Only then did he date me, appreciated me...and missed was when he moved out...which opened his eyes..he proposed and we are now getting married...I think he too was in his comfort zone just living with me...and took a lot for granted...maybe I did too...What I' m saying is...sometimes it works out for the better if you live separately before getting married.... In my case it did....Remember a lot of men feel pressurised into marriage..and this makes them pull away.....I would say...try to make the most of living apart..and see what happens...If it is meant to be...the 2 of u will get married and share a life together.

good luck

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