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Posted by: Hurt | 2007/04/12

he makes me happy but........

My b/f of 9 months told me his ex g/f is preggies and due to deliver anytime.i dont know when they had broken up, he doesnt really wanna talk abt it.
I was like OK, so now we can really go steady. he tells me he's got a lot on his mind and he doesn't really think it'll work out cos yena o bona ngwana a tlo complicata things. I told him the baby wont change things between us but he's not convinced .he keeps remindin me that at the beginning i told him i didnt wanna get serious, yes,although i didnt mean it, i had said it bcos at the time we were both attached and i didnt want him to think im such a cheat. a few weeks later i told him i wanna get serious, he said he wanted the same thing but now he just keeps remindin me that initially i said i wanted a non-serious relationship with, if i could take those words back, i would.
He really makes me happy, i was in an abusive relationship, left my then b/f so i can have a "life" with this new guy.
.....what im worried abt is, how do i convince this guy that i want him, baby and all, that i'll stand by him no matter what. He says he cant commit bcos the baby would just complicate things.



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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I can unerstand why he doesn't wanna talk about it, but he owes it to you to talk about it. Its relevant for you to know whether he was still sleeping with this other woman when he was going with you, or not --- mainly because past behaviour can be a useful predictor of fture behaviour. But though this could be a reason for you to have doubts about this relationship, it's curious that it is HIM who seems to have become very doubtful --- it sounds as though he wants to return to his previous gf and the child. It sounds as though he is making excuses, such as by sticking to your earliest comments, rather than to what you later said.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: tantric | 2007/04/12

pack all your stuff and bounce he wants out and he wants it bad, its amazing how men raised by single parents want to make up for their lost childhood by marrying the baby momma. i left my ex simply because she had him by the nuts she would threaten to leave the country with the child she went as far as leave your girlfriend and move in with me then you can see your baby so trust me baleya leave him while you have not invested all of you. i left him and found a man with achild and he has separated the two im happy because baby momma has learnt to accept although she threatened my life once and well he gave it to her and that was the end of her so he is being cowardice yet considerate bout the ish but baby girl bounce you are wasting your time.

Reply to tantric
Posted by: Nicks | 2007/04/12

I am in the same situation and I will not wish it upon anyone. My BF of almost 2years made a woman that he has been calling an EX since we stated going out late in 2005 pregnant. This lady became pregnant in December 2005 and my BF claims at that time our relationship was not that strong. He told me that he does not love the girl and chose me over her, the baby was born in August 2006 and he was adamant that he would not go there to see the baby. To my suprise, in December they met in town for him to see the baby, I was furious but I think the wanted to see the baby anyway and it is his child. The lady left to another town which is where she is based and had bought a house and all of a sudden they had started texting one another and they were not talking about the baby but instead how they loved one another and how embassed is her family that they did not tie the not for the sake of the baby. I still ignored that situation and one day, I passed by my BF's house on sunday morning and her car was packed outside. She had left the baby and drove all the way to my BF's house. My BF managed to get out of the situation by saying the EX went by his house to say hello but i was not told that she was even in town. I took him back and during Easter they cheated on me again.
What am trying to say here is, if you are ready for a relationship that you will forever share your BF with someone else stick around! It took me my bunch of friends to knock some sense in me to finally took my things and leave. To my suprise he is not even calling to ask me how am doing! Just take some time to rediscover yourself and you will find someone who will love you. I have told myself that there is someone out there who have the same qualities or even more that made me to stick with him through it all.
All the best1

Reply to Nicks
Posted by: annon | 2007/04/12

hi there i been in the same situation just that im indian and my family would not accept a guy that has a bbay with some1 else.My boyfriend hasn`t seen the baby from the time it was born becos he wants to be with me and i told him if he goes there i want nothing to do with him.

Yeasterday was our 1st councelling session and i realised that im selfish and he needs to do whats right to go there and find out if that child his he cos hes not sure

You may think its easy but its not knowing that thay share a child with some other girl its so so so painful and i tried to live like that but i cant.I decided to do the right thing and let him go thou its hard but im sure ill find happiness with some1 else

So i think u should do the same.Hope my storie helps u in some way

take care look out 4 urself cos thats what im gonna do.

annon

Reply to annon
Posted by: jacky | 2007/04/12

sister
well you asked for it, i am convinced he wants the mother of his child back, look take no offence but some guys believe in marrying the mother of their child, besides what is love anyway, i am afraid sister you lost this one, he made his mind up just accept it and move on.

Reply to jacky
Posted by: .. | 2007/04/12

dont u think his parents want him to commit due to the baby. i know the african culture are very serious about it, maybe he dont want to hurt you by saying he needs to commit to this ex and the baby.. which is the right thing to do actaully in case he loves her... i think you should let him go cause if a guy use lame excuses already its better to give the headache to someone else.. NOT cruel here ..

Reply to ..

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