Posted by: 40''ish | 2013/02/19

He lied to me

Dear Cs

Is it the first time he lied or the first time he was caught?

We have been together for many years and he is always where he says he is - so i thought. We both come from very bad marriages where we where cheated on. We got engaged in December after 7 years together and now I have caught him lying about where he was.

I just feel that I cannot continue with this engagement. He says it was not his intention to lie. I gave him his ring back and said I''m going to move out.

What next ? His penis just happened to fall into another vagina and that was not his intention too?

I don''t trust him anymore. What else has he lied about?

How can i stay with such a person?

Help me please

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hard to tell, isn't it ? In any case, and especially when you have both lived through experiences which led you to being more than usually sensitive to and suspicious of, possible cheating.
How important is this specific incident which has so upset you ? Most men would be bothered by having to account for their every movement, and would not be inclined to reveal every monet's whereabouts, even if they had nothing to hide. What sort of lie was it ? Did he say he was in Checkers when in fact he was in Spar ? Or did he say he was in church when he was really and certainly engaging in an exotic orgy ?
From your later comments, it sounds as though in some way you became certain he had a sexual affair with someone else. Then the conundum is indeed that though onew can never ever be certain someone else isn't lying, after one major and proven lie, its not possible to simply start trusting again. Trust has to be earned, rather than given, especially not to someone who has proved themself untrustworthy

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mimi | 2013/02/19

You have been together for 7 years and I think you need to sit down and be honest with yourself regarding the times when he could have lied to you. Fortunately, as women we have a sense when someone is lying about something and trust you would have smelt a rat whenever he would be lying to you especially about something huge. Me thinks that you had not dealt with fully about your past experience and this may be causing you to overanalyse things. Unless, of course, you found him in bed with someone or he admitted to having slept with someone. Honestly, if this was the first time you discovered that he lied and it is not about something as huge as sleeping with someone else, then I don''t see why you should throw away 7 years relationship for it.

Reply to Mimi
Posted by: Blondie | 2013/02/19

I doubt it''s the first time he''s lied to you. It''s the first time he''s been caught, but of course he''s going to tell you it''s the first time he''s lied.

Are you and him willing to go for counselling? Perhaps sitting down with him and asking him why he felt he needed to lie about his whereabouts is a way forward. You also say that you don''t trust him anymore? Is there anything that will make you trust him again? If not, then I think you''ve answered your own question, unless you are happy to remain in a platonic relationship with no trust?

Reply to Blondie

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