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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2007/05/16

He is embarrased of me

My boyfriend & I have had a pretty rocky relationship so far.
It is abusive physically and allot more happened that I am not satisfied with.

Nothing has been done about it. he told me he will go see someone about his temper. But up to now, no action has been taken.

furthermore he refuse to go to my parents. he never had a problem with it before. But about a month ago, my brother walked in our house while he was beating me.
Now he refuse to set foot in my parents house.

I have never met his parents, because They do not live in South Africa. Now he tells me that he will not take me there, because he is scared I will embarrass him?

How can I carry on in a relationship that has been abusive, nothing gets done about it.
Live with the feeling of not being good enough for his family.
Does he really expect a long & happy marriage like this?

Worst of all to me, is that he does actually think, his way is the right way & it can work that way.

I have asked long ago that we see a councelor, but needless to say, that didn't happen. Because if I dont beg him to go, he wont go.

I do not want to ask him to see a relationship counselor with me. Because it just seems like I try so hard to make things work, and he does nothing.

I gave him an opportunity to stick to his words to go see someone, he didn't.
When I talk, he just looks at me, and says nothing. I dont know what he is thinking, or feeling.

And in the mean time, I feel I am the one being punished for things that he does.

Everything just sounds so wrong. How much am I still supposed to do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Why do you want, at all, to stay with an abusive man who appears to feel ahsamed of you ? Why not leave and make a happier life on your own, and, eventually, with someone who doe snot abuse you and DOES love you ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: plain and simple | 2007/05/16

As jy dom is moet jy kak !!!!!!!!!!

Reply to plain and simple
Posted by: rose | 2007/05/16

darling dear youve done enough..you must decide now that you need to have a fulfilled life and if he cant contribute to that he has to lose you. tha's what it is. youre not losing him, he's losing you. and he started losing you from the start of the abusive relationship.

if you dont have any indication that anything will be done from his side, you need out.

life is so short, and you cannot live it by being disrespected and abused. if you do not leave, you choose it. please dont. he also knows that youre choosing it thats why he treats you like this, because you 'allow' it.

classically he will beg and cry and promise and love you if you decide to go, but hold onto the thought that he's never shown you these things throughout your relationship. any person deserves so much more than this(or nothing of this he's doing), i hope you can believe me.

if you do deside to go, spend a lot of time healing because it can cause a lot of difficulties for you in the future, espcially new relationships. you cannot allow this man to belittle you like this.

bless you

Reply to rose
Posted by: Echelle | 2007/05/16

What you are suppose to do is LEAVE!!!! What's wrong with you? You should be long gone by now! He's a pissy to go your parent's house because he's afraid your dad will kill him, bacause his secret of physically abusing you is out! How long are you going to put up with this?!!!!!!!!

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: Joy | 2007/05/16

You're the messed up one if you think you need to do more as you put it. This is an abusive relationship and you're still sticking around! To who's benefit?? You KNOW things are not working out, that you're unhappy, that its always he's way, that you're living in fear of aggrivating his temper,that you dont think you're good enough for his family and that he's openly admitted that you will embarass him, yet you remain in this relationship! There's something terribly wrong with YOU!!! Its not his fault anymore, its yours! because you continue to subject yourself to this! Get out! and do it as soon as possible!

Reply to Joy

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