Posted by: Z7 | 2005/07/28

He feels bad for having sex with me befor my exam

I was preparing this crucial exam for 2 months and my husband was so uncomfortable as I was not giving him attention as I was always in the library and later come back extremely tired. He did his best to support me, but he was struggling to get sexual fulfilment he wanted for that 2 month period.

He kept on complaining, until I fell very bad. I told him lets have it a week befor i write but he was upset, and did'nt want it anymore. The day befor my exam he went for a drinking spree and drank himself to kill. I could'nt sleep properly as he kept on wanting sex midnight. I woke up extremely tired and could';nt write my exam properly, and eventually failed.

I dont blame him for failing, but i feel if had enough rest i would have done better. I TRIED telling him for future and he feel so bad that he dont wanna speak to me. He 's no longer interested in having sex and he told me he ll never initiate sex again.

i tried to talk to him, but my words fall on deaf ears. What should i do?

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Our expert says:
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Sounds like a very immature husband, who was selfish and is now sulking childishly. But it doesn't sound as if you made any real attempt to understand him or care for him, during this long period.
What you could have done, and should, in future, is to give yourself more frequent breaks from the studies, so as not to get so tired, and to allow you, as well as him, to enjoy sex through the study period --- and not to leave it to the last night ! And, as Nadine says, be more spontaneous about it. maybe see a counsellor about what may be a tendency, in studies and sex, to be too much of a perfectionist, so that you end up performing, in both, LESS well than if you were less fussy about performance. If you enjoyed the sex more, and more often, you'd probably have done better in the exams, too.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Bobsy | 2005/07/29

Damn right he's feeling bad. Just the fact that u told him he should lay off in future obviously that is blaming him. It's all about planning girlfriend. If u know u studying plan it, take a night off as well, after all, i think you failed cos u were trying too hard, sometimes it is good to take a step back to move three steps forward. My wife is studying and i grope her ass or initiate even if she does sit with her books, and after w finished, she just carries on, u know how a good bonk can take a load off the shoulders...

Reply to Bobsy
Posted by: Mike | 2005/07/28

Sex is important in a marriage, many of husbands & wives have looked elsewhere for what they are not getting at home. Also sex during your studies actually would have helped relieve stress. If he did not have to work so hard at getting it you'd have been asleep faster the night of the test.

You'll have to get the sex life back on track, surprise him with creative ideas next time he comes home and you are already there to make some preperations.

Reply to Mike
Posted by: Nadine | 2005/07/28

You need to do sex accurately??? You are abnormal - get help fast.

Reply to Nadine
Posted by: lulu | 2005/07/28

Amazing? For whom? I'm sure your "accurate" sex life was more of a drag to him than you realised. You should get help. Sex is meant as an extension of your love for each other. Not something to "allow", "do accurately" or negotiate about.

And you are right not to blame him for your failure. Wow... 2 months of studying and you still failed... Maybe you should consider getting different methods to study and still be able to consider your family's feelings too.

Reply to lulu
Posted by: Z7 | 2005/07/28

The problem is that i am a perfectionist and i want to do everything accurately. I stress a lot when i face a big exam and as a result i need to focus. I also need to do sex accurately and i cannot handle pressure.

Is this normal or am i abnormal. Before this preparation, our sex life was amazing.

Reply to Z7
Posted by: nik | 2005/07/28

in 2 months you could seriously not fit in proper sex? not even a saturday?

Reply to nik
Posted by: Joanne E | 2005/07/28

And technically, or scientifically - perhaps next time have sex like just before you go into write the exam as it is apparently a fact that women "perform" better afterwards - generally speaking. (just a suggestion)

Reply to Joanne E
Posted by: Nadine | 2005/07/28

Even if you are writing exams, whats the big deal about having sex? Goodness, you couldn't have been so tired. Sex is sex - couples do it every day no matter what is going on in their lives. You say you told him you can have sex a week before you write exams - it sounds like you think sex is something you book - like an appointment. Im sorry but you seriously need to rethink your whole outlook on sex. Life shouldn't be taken so seriously - be spontaneous and live.

Reply to Nadine
Posted by: Joanne E | 2005/07/28

yeah, with M we couldn't as I was a high risk pregnancy - the PASTORS WIFE said to me that there was more than one way to please a man! lol!

But let's forget about that - are you allowed to write a supplementary exam?

Reply to Joanne E
Posted by: SG | 2005/07/28

Sounds like both of you could have compromised more.Even though your man should have given you enough space and time to study,you should not have cast him aside to the point of virtually no sex (or just the odd quickie).
No matter the odds,a couple should continue to show love towards each other.This INCLUDES sex as it plays an important role in a relationship.
You need to be a bit more understanding as well.
I doubt that you failed because of his attentions,you probably needed to study more and at the right times.

Reply to SG
Posted by: Z7 | 2005/07/28

He did have it there and there, but because i was always tired it would be very quick.

Reply to Z7
Posted by: dw | 2005/07/28

Wow, 2 months with no sex, I would go crazy.... and I am a girl!!!

Reply to dw
Posted by: Joanne E | 2005/07/28

Did he not get ANYTHING in the entire 2 months???

Reply to Joanne E

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