Posted by: Zee | 2005/11/21

He doesnt understand

My boyfriend had a terrible fight last night where we ended screaming at each other and I told him that maybe we should just break it off for good. We've been together for 6 months and in this time I havent seen him on the weekend because he always has something to do or his working. He told me that he couldnt take me with him because its cultural and I wont understand. I even went to the point to tell him that he has another girlfriend. This is the problem - he goes away every weekend with family, they dont know I exist and that I'm having his baby. He phones me when his gone and then he says that he'll see me on the Sunday afternoon always at 14h00. 14h00 comes and I phone him and he tells me that he couldnt leave the place and that I wont see him. This hurts my feelings because he makes promises and he never keeps it. Yesterday I called him at 8pm and he said that he was coming over to my house, at 10pm when I phoned he said that he lied and he wanted to teach me a lesson. We continued fighting and eventually he came to my house at 11pm and the fight continued to the point that I told him that I wished I never met him, I wished that I never invited him to my house and that I wished that this child never belonged to him. When he left he kissed me goodbye and apologised for hurting me. I now feel bad about what I said, but is it demanding of me by just asking him to not create expectations. I'm the only person with a boyfriend that doesnt see him over weekends and spend time with - the weird part is that he stays 12km from me. What do I do, throw in the towel or continue this relationship.

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Our expert says:
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Something's wrong here, surely. For him to spend no time with you --- though you are having his baby --- and hi9s family doesn't even know you exist, suggests serious relationship problems, and perhaps cultural differences which he is failing to deal with. Unquestionably he is seriously neglecting you, and isn't giving you good reasons to expect him to provide for your baby, emotionally or financially. What on earth does he expect to do with the baby is born ? Make sure you get good legal advice, perhaps from the family / maintennance court itself, and ensure that he pays proper maintenance for the care of the child.
Like Trouble, I find it hard not to think that he is hiding something, such as another fiance or wife, or something similar. You ask should you continue with the relationship --- what relationship ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Dee | 2005/11/21

Hey Girl

You gotta get out!
I tried to look at your situation from ALL angles - and I am also coming up with "EXIT" signs. THis man is going to take you down. A relationship MUST be based on TRUST. And it there is no trust - its already in a bad way. He is hiding far too much from you and is really just a mystery to you. YOU DO NO KNOW HIM!!!!!!!!

ANything can happen with someone like this. Also by kissing you goodbe and saying that he is sorry - come on - that is just a player line to keep you dangling on the end of his puppet strings.
Guys like him are so bad.
I also agree that you do not want your child to grow up in such an unhealthy situation with folks that are constantly fihting. At the age of 33 I still pray that my parents would just divorce and get the hell out of each other's life.
You will find strengths that you did no know you had and you will give this child a beautiful life - but in order to hav a PEACEFUL life - the boyfriend has got to go.

Reply to Dee
Posted by: Cutie | 2005/11/21

Sorry doll, wish I could tell you something different, but HE IS MARRIED or has a live-in-partner. Just confront him about it.

Reply to Cutie
Posted by: Chris | 2005/11/21

Sorry girl but you are going through life with your eyes closed, it is so clear that there is something wrong here, this guy is deffenitely married or involved with somebody else it is so clear, please wake up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to Chris
Posted by: me | 2005/11/21

I agree with all these people, he is married and before you get to involved and bitter move on, decideif you want him to be part of the baby's life, if you do then make sure that the baby is provided for.

He obviously has kids as well and is therefor not very phased about the child you are carrying.

Children are a gift from God and you are truly blessed to be able to have this child. God obviously has another purpose for you and that would be to be a good mother.

So without any further delay MOVE ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to me
Posted by: Delene | 2005/11/21

Shame Zee, so sorry to hear this.

Unfortunitly, honestly, is just not working.
A relationship goes both ways, he is not pulling his weight at all here. It is completely one sided.
It is obvious he doesnt make you part of his life at all.
A man should be proud of his woman.

I'm sorry to say, but there is just no point at all to want to carry on.
It will be difficult by yourself, but you will be OK!!!!!

this man will drive you insane. Forever waiting, wonderin.....
This will make you depressed, etc
free yourself.

Reply to Delene
Posted by: Yikes!! | 2005/11/21

You need to distance yourself from him, you deserve much better than this. Could you picture this as your life for the rest of your days here? Do you think everything will magically become better once your baby is born? Is this what you want for your baby?

I know first hand what its like to have a father like this, at 30 Im still dealing with issues so PLEASE think about this carefully.

By having his baby not only will you will be tied to this person for the rest of your life but also make it difficult to find your mr right who will love you and treat you with the respect that you deserve. PLEASE consider your options.

Reply to Yikes!!
Posted by: boermeisie | 2005/11/21

He's married. get him out of your life ASAP.

Reply to boermeisie
Posted by: Trouble | 2005/11/21

Something more is going on with your boyfriend. I think you should look a little bit deeper and you will probably find, he is either married, engaged or has a long standing girlfriend. The baby you are carrying is going to suffer in the end. You should break this off, make an arrangement concerning the child and move on. This man clearly doesn't love you. Week-ends should be important to him and he should want to spend them with you, the woman carrying his child. He doesn't, why, because other activities are more important to him than you are. I have come across as being very harsh, but ultimately it's the child you must now think of.

Reply to Trouble

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