Posted by: Sesh | 2008/09/01

He doesn' t want to legalise marriage.

I am 28 yrs, in a 10 yrs relationship with my husband who is 34 yrs.He is the biological father of my two sons.He paid lobola for me in 2000 but he does' t want to register our marriage with home -affairs.if i can bring the issue of registering our marriage he always change the subject or he just say next time or be angry.We have never had a serious fight about this issue but it kills me.By the way we dated 2yrs(1998-1999 before he paid lobola.We have just finished building our house which we were 50/50 on everything,starting from bricks, furniture problem is what if we get divorced and what will happen to me.For now we are happy except for this issue. Please help

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Our expert says:
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Sounds like he's simply satisfied with things as thery are, and seen no particular reason to change things. Excellent responses from meme and Careful

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sesh | 2008/09/01

Thanks for the advice guys but his familly is too traditional and no one in his familly ever went to school some of his elder brothers and sisters dropped out in primary level,if i ask for some advice the always think the traditional way is the best and my parents does underastand this issue but they are afraid to talk to them cause my-inlaws will think we are up to something.His mother is always over protective cause he is the only boy who has so much on his side,she always think he is a super hero and forgett that we work together.They always have this thougt" a men doest not have to show his wife everything he has. cause woman are so dangerous" for heaven sake i love this guy and want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Reply to Sesh
Posted by: Careful | 2008/09/01

Unfortunately your customary law marriage does not have a status of a recognisable marriage, so I' d suggest you push him until he does something. Why dont you initiate the Home Affairs process yourself? If you divorce the kids will be entittled to maintenance as they are his but with regard to your assets, your marriage is a good as partnership agreement without any written document, so you will only be able to get out that which you can show belongs to you either by productions of receipts, etc. Why not involve both your families and try to find out reasons for his refusal?

Reply to Careful
Posted by: meme | 2008/09/01

did he finish paying Lobola? if yes then your parents or elders should interfere.

they should consult his elders to talk about this issue. hope it get resolved.

Reply to meme

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