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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2007/05/11

He doesn't want me to go to funeral

My exboyfriend lost his girlfriend and the baby in last week. The girlfriend was pregnant and had complecations, so the baby had to be taken out before time and the girlfriend died two weeks after.
I know you are asking yourself why should I be worried about the ex? We have just passed the stage of being ex's and we are more like brother and a sister (if you know what I mean). I also lost my baby when I was still with him (his baby) and he supported me all the way. Even though things didn't work out between us but we are still very close and respect each other.

So I need to be there for him even if it means go after the funeral. So I didn't know what to say except telling him the truth. He doesn't want me to go there. I really want to be ther for him not that I will get back to him. He als owant to just talk and the only person he is comfortable with is me.
How do I handle this?

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Our expert says:
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Maybe especially because you also lost a baby, you may be feeling close to this other woman and her fate.
I wonder why you so much want to go to the funeral, though --- you say you "want to be there for him", even though he actually doesn't want you to be there ? In what sense, then, would you be there "for him " ? If and when he wants to talk, you will be available anyway.
From your later comment, do I understand that your PRESENT bf doesn't want you to go to the funeral of your Ex's gf ? In that case, though it's understandable that he might not want you to become involved again with your ex, he ought to be able to understand that the funeral is not a romantic encounter, but simply providing human support and comfort. Couldn't he attend that funeral with you ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: kat | 2007/05/11

ok that makes a little more sence.

hell no if you need to go then you need to go to it. dont ever let anyone ever tell you who you can and cant see and thats what this is. this guy is like your brother now so who cares that you had a relationship he needs you and wants you there you go. has your boyfriend told you why he doesnt want you to go.

babe understand one thing anyone who realy loves you will not ever ask you to give up soemone else (unless its kinky shit)

your friends are your friends and you never walk away from those close to you for anyone. its just not worth it..he must get over his jealousy and get with the program. this is the reason marrages fail its realy screwed up.

Reply to kat
Posted by: Anon | 2007/05/11

Sorry guys I didn't explain this clearly. I wanted to say I told my fiance that I have to go to the funeral and he didn't want me to go. The funeral is for my exboyfriend's girlfriend.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: kat | 2007/05/11

my sugestion is dont go....
he has asked you not to go so dont. make sure he understands that you are there for him but he also could be thinking about what the impact would be if you went and how others would feel. eg her parents, the boyfriends new girlfriend. he should need to explain this and i know you are the ex and not the new but he would have to explain it.

sometimes we just need to step back and this is one of those times. let him be

Reply to kat

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