Our expert says:
CyberShrink
Maybe especially because you also lost a baby, you may be feeling close to this other woman and her fate.
I wonder why you so much want to go to the funeral, though --- you say you "want to be there for him", even though he actually doesn't want you to be there ? In what sense, then, would you be there "for him " ? If and when he wants to talk, you will be available anyway.
From your later comment, do I understand that your PRESENT bf doesn't want you to go to the funeral of your Ex's gf ? In that case, though it's understandable that he might not want you to become involved again with your ex, he ought to be able to understand that the funeral is not a romantic encounter, but simply providing human support and comfort. Couldn't he attend that funeral with you ?
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