Posted by: hurt | 2006/07/31

He doesn't understand! Please help!

My borfriend does not understand why I don't have an orgasm when I have sex with him. I have never been able to with him or anyone else. He has never had a problem with this with any other female he has been with. He thinks that there is something wrong with him and we have been dating for almost 8 months now. This problem is seriously starting to affect our relationship even though I don't think it's a big deal that I can't do it. I can do it when I am by myself, but not with anyone else for some reason. Why is this?
Question two: I want to try experimenting a little bit with the oral sex, but the last time I tried to tell him what I wanted he got offended. How can I bring this up without making him feel like he does not know what he is doing and has to be told what to do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Blowjobs aren't just for men's pleasure. That's right, many women say the feeling of control it gives them combined with the oral stimulation is a turn-on in its own right. Read on for tips and techniques to make a blowjob an ultimately satisfying experience for all involved.
The Anatomy
Know what you're getting into:
• Glans: The head of the penis
• Frenulum: The underside of the glans; ** the most sensitive part **
• Shaft: The length of the penis
• Perineum: The area between the anus and the testicles
• Testicles: Where sperm is made and stored for ejaculation.

Basic Up & Down
Position yourself comfortably:
• Start by teasing his penis - kiss, breathe lightly, whisper, tickle.
• Switch to sucking. Create a vacuum by pursing your lips, then using them to surround his penis.
• Thrust your mouth down over his penis while you suck.
• Use your saliva as a lubricant.
• Stroke with your hands while sucking.
• Twist your hand as you move up and down on the shaft. Switch hands occasionally for variation.

Beyond Sucking
Licking & nibbling is quite stimulating:
• Run your tongue around the glans, then focus on the frenulum.
• Flick your tongue back and forth and all around as you're sucking.
• Lick the bottom of the shaft while using your hand to fondle the glans, and vice versa.

All-Around Focus
There's more to the penis than meets the eye:
• Take his balls gently into your mouth and suck.
• Run your tongue along his perineum.
• Lick his anus and see if he likes it.
• Rub his balls gently as you suck the shaft.

Spit or Swallow
It's your decision:
• Some like to take come into their mouth, some like to watch it shoot. Both can be very sexy.
• If you choose to take it in your mouth, you can swallow or keep a cloth or napkin nearby to spit into.
• Know your partner and make good choices. Swallowing during oral sex on an HIV-infected man has been known transmit the virus.

10 Advanced Tips
1. Take a deep breath before you take his penis into your mouth to relax your throat muscles. This is to prevent gagging if you think his penis is going to touch the back of your throat.
2. Use your hand around the base of his penis to control how deep he goes into your mouth.
3. Try swallowing when his penis reaches the back of your throat. It kind of tickles.
4. You can start a blowjob when your partner's penis is flaccid and stimulate him to erection.
5. Pubic hairs in your mouth are normal. Just stop for a minute to take them out & then keep going.
6. Use a finger in your partner's anus to massage his prostate.
7. Pop an ice cube in your mouth or a mint for extra stimulation.
8. Run your hands over his inner thighs as your mouth moves on his shaft.
9. Keep your teeth away from his penis, or very, very lightly rub them against him while sucking.
10. Not all men come during oral sex. Don't worry if he doesn't - his orgasm is his responsibility, not yours.

Recommended Products:
Toys: Wet flavoured lube, Unlubricated condoms, Flavoured condoms
Books: The guide to getting it on, The new good vibrations guide to sex, Sex tips for straight women from a gay man
Videos: Nina Hartley’s Advanced Guide to Oral Sex

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Yes | 2006/08/01

Faking it without contractions inside? - must be kidding! When my wife has a orgasm every thing inside sucks me deeper! Make sure IF you fake that you suck him from inside.

Reply to Yes
Posted by: Poppy | 2006/08/01

I would agree with the clit stimulation, some women just can't do without it. And men know when you faking it, i swear they do. and it hurts them. I would just try approach him about it, and help him understand that the things you are willing to try are for both of you, to strenghten you relationship.

Reply to Poppy
Posted by: Lady Lea | 2006/08/01

Stimulate your clit while you are having sex, some women can not get an orgasm with out stimulation through the clit. I'm one of those women and this is how I orgasm.

Reply to Lady Lea
Posted by: hurt | 2006/07/31

FAKE IT? Isn't that just denying the problem? Besides, I'm a terrible liar and he knows when I'm lying. Any other suggestions BESIDES that?

Reply to hurt
Posted by: Curt | 2006/07/31

I'm a man. There are men out there who just don't get it and apparently your man is one of them. The solution to your answer is simple. Fake your orgasm. If he asks if you had one simply tell him yes. It'll make him happy and he'll stop bothering you with it. As far as oral sex goes if doesn't listen to what you enjoy he definately has a problem. To get around this ask him how enjoys oral sex and if theres anything you can do to make it better for him. Ask him if theres anyway you can make sex in general better for him. Ask him what your doing wrong, this way he should feel more open to criticism when you tell him what you like.

Reply to Curt

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