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Posted by: Snippy | 2006/03/31

He did it again

Yes he went gambling again last night. I did not give him the change to tell me if he won or not. I have told him in no uncertain terms that I have had enough of him not making a contribution to the cost of the house hold.

It really turned ugly and I started crying and screeming (out of frustration) The problem now is, do I end the relationship or give him a chance?

We have so much in common, same passion for nature, gardening, books etc. He is very loving and kind. He also adores all my pets. He is very helpful around the house and loves cooking.

Basically I like the gift, I just don't like the wrapper.

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Our expert says:
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What would "give him a chance" mean ? Clueless ' comments are excellent. Its not unusual for a very nice person to have an addiction type problem, which they can't or rather won't see. As you say, the gift is great, the wrapped neads cleaning up. If gambling is for him nothing important, it was just a wild idea of a way he might raise some money for the home --- then he'd have no difficulty in seeing its pitfalls, and trying a different route. if it is addictively powerful for him ( did he gamble before, or only recently ? ) then it'll be hard to shake off, unless he agrees that it is a problem, sincerely ants to stop, and works with a suitable specialist

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Our users say:
Posted by: lady nina | 2006/03/31

hi girl

i believe any relasionship is build on trust and respect and can only grow if both parties feel secure and safe to be real

in this case you don't feel financially secure and soon will not feel emotionally secure with him and that my dear girl means the writing is on the wall

i do realize that gambling is and addiction that can be cured - is he willing to seek help ?

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Clueless. | 2006/03/31

There will be NO envy left once they filled your shoes! Look, if the man won't change, don't you think you may be better off without him? Does your friends know the real him? How you're suffering to make ends meet? That you're alone at home while he's spending the money that should go into the household? Gambling is a MONSTER! It traps you like heroin and if not carefull, can ruin lives. Financially and the rest. You HAVE to tell him how YOU FEEL. Maybe if he realizes your distress, it can motivate him to really try and give up his habit. Otherwise, he doesn't deserve to be in a mariage at all. Remember, a mariage has two partners, who must give equal amounts of effort for it to not only work, but flourish.

Reply to Clueless.
Posted by: kat | 2006/03/31

how many chances does someone need to get the message and how much are you willing to put up with.

Reply to kat
Posted by: Snippy | 2006/03/31

Thanks Clueless. I have spoken to him and he did not at first see anything wrong with what he is doing. His thinking was that he is making money and that is OK.

Today is the end of the month, we got paid last night already I am R2000 in overdraft. I really try to keep calm and talk nicely, but I get so angry and worked up if he does not seem to understand the seriousness of the situation.

Truly my friends envy me for having a mate like him. He has a heart of gold. When my old age parents phones with a problem, he in the car ready to go even before me. He insists on taking food for them every time we visit. He talks to me like I'm the only woman there is. He never critisizes me only loves me the way I am and look and he is more loyal than a lapdog.

O it drives me mad!

Reply to Snippy
Posted by: Clueless. | 2006/03/31

Bloody tough situation. See, the thing is he needs to ADMIT having a problem and WANT to work on it. Two things that doesn't come easy for any addict. He seems to be the perfect man, with only one (HUGE) flaw. What was his response yesterday? Does he now know what you expect from him inside your relationship? Is he willing to change? And he can be the perfect guy, but still make you unhappy. And when you are unhappy, you both will be unhappy. So, I suggest telling him how special he is to you, how you love him and appreciate everything he does and means to you. Give examples of the things he does that makes you love him so. Then say something like, you really are worried about this one thing tearing you apart, and that you don't want to lose him because of that. And mention how it makes you feel, don't be on the attack, stay calm and be genuinly concerned. About him and your relationship.

Reply to Clueless.

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