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Question
Posted by: haunted | 2007/06/12

he came out and i feared for my life

I feel like I am the most selfish person on earth. My ex-boyfriend of (03 Months), came out about his status that he was actually hiv positive, I was in such a shock and i was angry with him. I was angry because he told me after we've had sex a several times using precautions of course! i feel that he should've told me up front and i would've made a decision as to I want to get intimate with him or not! I was so angry and afraid but somehow i feel that I am only thinking of myself and not him. I appreciate the fact that he came out, but i still think he should've been honest from the word go!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its him who is selfish, not you. "Precautions" are essential, but nver 100 % safe, so I believe it is immoral for anyone who knows they are ( or even knows they could be ) HIV positive to have sex with ayone else without warning them BEFORE it happens. You had every right to be angry. Why on earth do you think it was selfish of you to value your life and health and to resent him having selfishly risked both ? Of course he should have ben honest from the start

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Carol | 2007/06/13

I agree with cybershrink. You are not selfish!

Reply to Carol
Posted by: FIO | 2007/06/12

The difficulty with honesty is that it so often backfires, and we lose everything we hoped to gain by being honest.

However, I do feel that he should not have slept with you, and waited until the relationship waas more stable and secure, then informed you. And by the same token, you should be responsible enough also not to engage in sex too soon with someone you dont really know. safe sex is not enough.

But admitedly in this day and age, who really waits 3 months before sleeping with someone they fall in love with, connect with etc. Its a natural thing to take it to the next level of intimacy.

he should have been honest, but not necessarily from the go, becaus eyou would have probably walked away without giving him a chance.

My suggestion, make him understand that you are angry, and have a right to be, but at the same time ask him why he did not tell you, what his fears were/are, and then ask yourself what you would do in the situation. Just maybe through communication you can discover a lot about honesty, integrity, and fears that stand in our way of the very things we truly aspire to.

Maybe you two still do have a future. Both of you need reassurance and security from each other.

Reply to FIO

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