Posted by: Lina | 2008/11/14

He broke the trust by cheating

I found out that my boyfriend of 9 months is a cheat, one morning the phone rang and he was not answering he said it was not important. Later the message came through I sneak and read it. It was a woman telling him he misses him stax. I ask and he confessed apologised and he cried for the better day broke the expensive phone into pieces. I called the woman and she said they were just fooling around they are not serious about each other. I was so mad and still am, we are still together but I cant forget nor trust him and we talk about it he says he is sorry it will not happen again he was insecure that eventually I was gonna leave him since i do better than him. To try to make up he ask that we drive use one car to work he literaly spends most of his time with me but I cant forget and I keep bringing it up all the time. I dont know how i will ever trust him, so much that i have started accepting going out with other guys for lunches.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Weeping and breaking the phone is hardly an impressive response to being caught cheating. And does she think you'll feel better for being told it wasn't "serious", as though frivolous cheating should be OK ? His excuse is unconvincing --- he was scared you'd leave him --- so he left you, or at least did something that made it very likely you would leave him. YOu might in time learn to trust him again, if you really want to do this. But I don't see how it benefits you to stay together but bring it up all the time --- doesn't that just upset you more, and more often ? But don't indulge in any fantasies of revenge by cheating yourself --- that just irretrievably damages the relationship, and actually does NOT feel good on your side either. Don't stoop to his level. As Mom always said, two wrongs don't make a right.

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Our users say:
Posted by: candy | 2008/11/15

sory girl , but i think the best thing is just to move on with ur life he doesnt deserve u.....he only felt sory because he got caught ... what if u dnt not find out..... do u think he wouldve still convess to u... no i dnt think so.....Get urself someone that respect u... if he did he would not cheat on u in the first place...

Reply to candy
Posted by: felicity | 2008/11/15

I have attempted to retrieve the trust that was broken after nearly 4 years after discovering his indiscretion. I still feel the need to check his phone., emails etc even after doing counselling and never believe any " feeble excuses" . I was proven right by the second indiscretion a few months ago. Once bitten twice shy is the saying and it is not your problem he has insecurities that he requires other people to affirm him. If he has cheaten once I am sorry to say when he is feeling " low"  he probably will do it again.

Reply to felicity
Posted by: Anon | 2008/11/15

You will NEVER trust him again, EVER!!!! Sorry you had to go through this. Don`t stoop to the level he did. In a case like this revenge is not sweet.

He must know that you will not tolerate these kind of things and that you WILL leave him if you even suspect him again.

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