Posted by: Undecisive | 2004/10/20

Have I made a mistake?

I need your advice, I am in a 3 year relationship that has been rocky from day one, we love one another but because I fell pregnant from early in the relationship it kind of forced us to be together. We fight constantly because of mistakes I have made in my past relationships. Everytime we have an arguement he tells me that it was mistake every staying in this relationship and says how he wished he had played the field before getting into a relationship with me... I feel I have stopped him from doing all the wrong things out there and that maybe he should experience life with other woman, that maybe if he has that freedom to do what he wants he will come back a better person in our relationship, I have told him about this and he has agreed that it will make things much better, he hasnt done anything yet but I have cut off from him because I see that he is far happier with his freedom which makes me happy to a certain extent, but it also makes me feel sad because I see him different because he is far happier with other people than with me. Have I done the right thing? Should I wait and see what happens? If he really loves me will he not do this? Long term I am thinking about my daughter because if this works out then we can move on in our relationship and my daughter will grow up in a loving family, if not, I must move on ... If I havent made the right decison what do you suggest I do to try and make our relationship work? I do love him but I am willing to let him go if thats what it takes to see him happy again.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Marriage / relationship counselling really is a good idea where you have the sort of issues you describe, with bad conclusions from bad previous relationships dogging a current relationship. I'm surprised at how often people, unhappy in a relationship, don't pause to wonder if they and / or their partner might be doing something wrong which can be corrected, but regret that they didn't "play the field" earlier, as if that might have helped ( it doesnt).
Sending him off to play can't possibly improve your relationship. We're not talking about football here, but playing thagt is serious and involves emotions and unpredictable results.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Juzlisen | 2004/10/21

Hi there

This is bullshit!!!! Why the hell does he feel he needs to "play the field"?????
He was young - so were you - you feel pregnant - hello he made you pregnant!!! It makes me sick when a man behaves as though he had nothing to do wiht the act of conception, Maybe letting him go is for the best - best for him cos now he can have his cake and eat it - pls be careful do not let this turn into a situation where he comes and goes into you and your childs life as he pleases. set you rules now. What happens after he's played the field are there going to be other children, or a string of women around all the time - you do know what playing the field means right? If anything its never a good thing.

Reply to Juzlisen
Posted by: straycat | 2004/10/20

This sounds far 2 very familiar. I think you are putting yourself in a difficult position with "What ifs, should I wait, if he etc.."

Look after yourself and your daughter. If freedom and "playing the field" is more important than a family and relationship, then so be it.. it will probably be, his loss. I am sure you love him, but like CS ses sending him off.. leaves you in a bad situation and an unpredictable future... The ball should really be in his court.. Time is healer, but you dont want be unhappy all the time.. . start planning things out for the future , so that dont have to rely on "What ifs"...
You are obviously a commited and loving mom, who wants happiness and love... Take care... Be strong !
BG :)

Reply to straycat
Posted by: Zee | 2004/10/20

I think u made a right decision. Only time will tell the best outcome of this for both of u. Make sure he pays maintanance for his child though

Reply to Zee

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