Posted by: me | 2004/02/20

Have I gone too far?

3 year relationship. have no friends. relocated to another town with my bf, 1600 km away from my family. my bf started working at the same company as me. we see each other 24/7 since the very first day (more than 3 years ago). sold my car. lost my identity. lost my selfrespect. lost my will to go on...

we see every fight (every 2nd day) as a opportunity for both of us to say the most hurtful things. whenever the one person is willing to say "I am sorry" the other carries on with being sturrburn. we threat each other with sucide. i never knew that hatred lies so closely to love. i never knew that one can say such things. i don't know myself anymore, i can't believe the swearing, neg language that comes out of my mouth.

last night was the worse fight ever. we stayed up until 4 am. woke up at 6, sit here @ work, feeliing like a zombie.

i booked a flight home for tonight. want to get away for the weekend, scared to board that plane. scared that he will do something irresponsible. scared to be apart from someone that I never was apart from in 3 years.

have i gone too far to book that plane ticket? i can't get the money back if i cancel, i don't give a shit about the money, should i go or stay?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Yes, me, FAR too far. It is NEVER wholesome to form such a relationship with ANYONE, in which you become so excessively dependent on each other, and with an exclusion of other people in your life. You cannot live with mutual suicide blackmail. Go home, maybe, if you can arrange some leave, even for a week or two. Chill out there, talk things over with your folks and old friends. And tell him not to threaten you with suicide or any other such hostile act, and that you need this time out and he ought to appreciate that.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Carol | 2004/02/20

I recently went through a similarthing with my daughter... she eventauly realised the the relationship was destroying her ... i could see it , but she had to , she ended it thank goodness and is back to her normal self.... it hurts , but she often says to me she should have listened to me sooner ....

Reply to Carol
Posted by: N@S | 2004/02/20

I was also in a relationship for 3 yrs where I lost all my friends and we became so independant of each other. We fought all the time and the fights got worse each day and we started swearing each other and really treating each other very badly. We broke up a month ago and I miss him but now I am free to do what I want. I have gotten back most of my friends. I thought that I was gonna go crazy without him but as the days go on the pain gets a little bit less. I still love this guy and want to be with him but then I think of the way he treated me and then that love turns to hate. Maybe if the two of you give each other some time apart then you can sort your heads out and see what you want to do from there. I know that it will take a couple of months before my ex and I can get rid of this hurt, pain and anger and maybe one day we can be together. but at this moment I am actually loving the free life. Hang in there and take each day at a time. I know some days are harder than others but you will get through it, I know coz I did.

Reply to N@S
Posted by: JP | 2004/02/20

Don't be scared, you are going to be ok, you may not realize t now but you are stronger than you think. Many people find themselves in a bad relationship but will not get out because they feel that they will not cope alone. The important thing is to get on that plane, spend some time on your own. You have lost yourself somewhere in this relatioship and you must get that power back. Believe in yourself, I certainly do even though I don't know you.

Good luck and keep us updated

Reply to JP
Posted by: me | 2004/02/20

Thanks for the advise. I needed it. I know what I have to do but have no guts to carry it through, i am very very scared to be alone...

Reply to me
Posted by: Juzlisen | 2004/02/20

Good Day me
your posting is really sad. Go home and think about your relationship properly, it does not sound healthy at all, the two of you seem to have developed too much of a dependancy on each other, the suicide threats are sick, there is definately a thin line between love and hate and you are skating on thin ice, it seems like the two of you could be each other's worst enemies, be careful you are wearing each other out and literally destroying yourselves. You need to form other healthy relationships outside of yours, find a hobby, join a club, dancing, sport, anything, you need space ALLOT of it, eventually you will start appreciating the time that you do spend together.
I hope your time away will give you the answers you are looking for.
Good Luck

Reply to Juzlisen
Posted by: sexy | 2004/02/20

Hi there, sorry to hear about you and your bf. I think it is very good if you get away from it all, even if it is only for a weekend. Why don't you rather leave him and get on with your life. I was in such a relationship about five years ago and I am glad that I left him we were distroying each other. I had a boy with him so it was difficult to leave him. And to think it will never work. After I left him I started to live again I lost weight, I started to take care of myself and I never looked and felt so good. Since then it only got better two years ago I met a wonderfull man who treats me very good and we never swear at each other. I think you two are not made for each other life goes on if he is not there. Start living your life.
Good luck

Reply to sexy
Posted by: Too far | 2004/02/20

Yes,You have definite gone too far.You need a life.You attach a meaning of your life to somebody elseand this is dangerous.When you cant live without somebody.Go hoe get some time off to think through without being around him.

Reply to Too far

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