Our expert says:
Don't feel guilty, Lilly, he deliberately and apparently over an extended period of time, created this situation himself, based probably on greed. He knew better than you that he had a wife and children to care for, and was probably receiving a fully adequate salary. he was dishonest, deliberately and repeatedly, and involved you even though you could have come to harm as a direct result of his actions, and he knew that too. You are not gulty --- he chose to do what he did, and to lie about it. he shouldn't rely on you for counselling or advice or comfort ---he should see a counsellor on his own. Nobody needs "millions of rands" --- he stole because he wanted to, You didn't do that. And you need and deserve counselling to help you come to terms with this, as you are one of his many victims. You did not fail him. Someone who is so untrustworthy has absolutely no right to expect you to cover up for him and keep his crimes secret.
If he "trusted" you with the secret that he was abusing his daughter, or that he was stealing money from people outside the company --- would you really have felt you should have protected such dirty secrets ?
YOu deserved a promotion anyway, and a company is entitled to give, and you to receive, a reasonable reward for protecting the honest people there and preventing the further theft of money that belonged to other people.
If you saved a kid from drowning, would you feel you ought to refuse to accept thanks and a medal ?
You were HONEST, not ruthless. You didn't expose the crook purely for your own benefit --- you didn't even know for sure there would be any benefit.
He deserved the fate he created for himself, and shouldn't escape responsibility for what he freelly chose to do and to continue doing. Yes, it's sad, but not so sad as the losses he inflicted on inncent people whose money he was stealing.
Before talking to your husband, talk this all through in detail with a counsellor. And for the crook in hospital ? Maybe send a card or a telephone message.
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