Posted by: lilly | 2004/11/04

Have I destroyed his career? am I killing him?

Should I really feel guilty ?
Here's my story :
My boss trusted me as a loyal & quiet employee. I blew a whistle on him when I realised that he's been involved in some fraudulent activities for quite a while.During the investigations he informed me about the allegations against him but denied that he did it. I had hard evidence , he did it but he had no clue that I was the whistle blower. Throughout the investigations I could see he was very stressed and unhappy. That broke my heart into 2, I knew he was a family man and had a family to support. But as I was under his supervision some of th fraudulent documents came over to me, when I questioned them he just told me to approve the payments. Then I realised that I could be regarded as an accomplice hence I blew the whistle. he has no idea that I did that, he would never have suspected me.Now he's been fired from his job about a month ago, His wife & kids left him 2 weeks ago, his pension monies have been used to redeem the amounts he stole . he has nothing , his world had fallen apart. It pains me to see him like that . Worst of all is that he still calls me and tells me that he's not coping ,he still confides in me. Yesterday I've just heard that he suffered a massive heart attack and is in hospital. I want to go see him but I'm scared . My guilt is tearing me apart, I feel responsible for where he is now. Should I come clean and tell him that I exposed him ? How do I live with this guilt? He trusted me and he still does and I failed him . Never knew it could end up like this . I got a huge promotion at work , been praised for the good work I've done in exposing someone who could have cost the company millions of rands , but I dont feel good. I dont fel good about the promotion I got because I failed someone in the process. I deserved the promotion but I would not have got it so quick if it was not for what i did . How do I carry on ? I have'nt talked to even my husband about it , I feel the less people know the better . I'm scared if I tell my husband he might condemn me as being ruthless . Please advise

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Our expert says:
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Don't feel guilty, Lilly, he deliberately and apparently over an extended period of time, created this situation himself, based probably on greed. He knew better than you that he had a wife and children to care for, and was probably receiving a fully adequate salary. he was dishonest, deliberately and repeatedly, and involved you even though you could have come to harm as a direct result of his actions, and he knew that too. You are not gulty --- he chose to do what he did, and to lie about it. he shouldn't rely on you for counselling or advice or comfort ---he should see a counsellor on his own. Nobody needs "millions of rands" --- he stole because he wanted to, You didn't do that. And you need and deserve counselling to help you come to terms with this, as you are one of his many victims. You did not fail him. Someone who is so untrustworthy has absolutely no right to expect you to cover up for him and keep his crimes secret.
If he "trusted" you with the secret that he was abusing his daughter, or that he was stealing money from people outside the company --- would you really have felt you should have protected such dirty secrets ?
YOu deserved a promotion anyway, and a company is entitled to give, and you to receive, a reasonable reward for protecting the honest people there and preventing the further theft of money that belonged to other people.
If you saved a kid from drowning, would you feel you ought to refuse to accept thanks and a medal ?
You were HONEST, not ruthless. You didn't expose the crook purely for your own benefit --- you didn't even know for sure there would be any benefit.
He deserved the fate he created for himself, and shouldn't escape responsibility for what he freelly chose to do and to continue doing. Yes, it's sad, but not so sad as the losses he inflicted on inncent people whose money he was stealing.
Before talking to your husband, talk this all through in detail with a counsellor. And for the crook in hospital ? Maybe send a card or a telephone message.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Cow | 2004/11/04

So now he has lost everything and you sitting pretty ?? thats great hope you feeling fantastic aobut yourself - if you have kids thn you should know you would do whatever you can to give them everything - you dont know what the reasons behind him doing that were ?? Nosy people make me damn sick!!!!! Hope when his begging on the street u at least gonna stop and help him out

Reply to Cow
Posted by: Bubbles | 2004/11/04

You did the right thing girl!!!
Ther are too many people in this world who sit by and let bad or wrong things happen!

Yes is sad what he is going through but hec he needs to learn from his mistakes otherwise he will go right back and do it again and agian...

The best would be to drop ties with this man as you will hurt him EVEN MORE IF HE FINDS OUT IT WAS YOU ESP IF HE is
reaching out to you now!!!

Be honest with your hubby and surely he would support that your intentions were for the right reasons be honest with him the way for marraige problems is to keep secrets esp if oyu go for counsilling ect and keep it ALL FROM HIM!

Reply to Bubbles
Posted by: ec | 2004/11/04

lilly - i agree with CS : you're a victim as he didn't think about YOU when he got you to approve fraudulant docs so you didn't cause his distres/heartattack or his world to fall apart - his own actions did that.
What you did was brave!

Reply to ec
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/11/04

What you did was right - don't blame yourself for the wrongs he did. He could have stopped it but he chose to continue to steal from the company and enrich himself. Would you rather have him crippled the company to bankruptcy and risk the possibility that many other workers would lose their jobs?

You can't compare yourself to Judas as clearly he was not someone like Jesus - so don't blame yourself for his weaknesses. If you are battling to get over this skewed loyalty towards him you should consider going for counseling. Don't go and visit him and don't tell him anything - remember you were only the messenger, not the crook.

Reply to Kernel

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