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Posted by: Liz123 | 2005/06/28

Has anyone heard of this kind of arrangement before?

In short, we are getting to the end of a divorce settlement after a lot of shlep. He offerd R2000 per child (2 kids) and medical, all school fees etc. (I offferd 50% of schooling - he send no, he'll pay all expences).

Now i did up the maintance to R3000 per child, and he agreed, but now the new schlep - I have to reconcile all kids expences every month, and whats left has to be banked into a savings account for them.

Just think of the practical mess? A trip to Menlyn has to be recorded. R5 for this and that. what about the bond, 2/3rds should be billed to the kids, same with water and lights, tel, maid etc etc.??? do i understand this right??

I think he still wants to control my life. has anyone heard of this before - i need to no if this is standard ??

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Our expert says:
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Maybe it's him, maybe a clever lawyer ; but although it may involve continuing schlep, it could be more generous than many settlements ; and remember that the better the records you keep, the moe he may need to pay. Putting anythimg extra inso a savings account for the kids is better than having it go back to him, though it may imply that he doesn't trust you not to keep it yourself. But don't accept anything like this without checking it out in detail with your own legal advisor. And think of this as a way of controlling him, and the laynments he will have to make, rather than of him controlling you !

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Our users say:
Posted by: !!! | 2005/06/29

You are agold digger who saw an oppoturnity. Yuo are using your kids and let me tell you something you might recieve money from him every month but you dont have him. Yes strain him financially thats all that you can do no wonder he left you.

I will send you a shovel so you can dig properly.

Reply to !!!
Posted by: Kev | 2005/06/29

I strongly oppose what the two people above have said! It sounds like sour grapes and they're bitter. I got divorced many years ago and my ex earned 75% more than me. At the end of the day, keep your personal ignorant opinions to yourself, and think of the children. THEY are the ones who MUST be kept in the same financial situation and they MUST NOT be prejudiced financially. Regarding the two writters above, are you such insecure and ignorant people that you get your jollies from anonymously hurting a stranger? Think straight and don't be so quick to judge other people.

Reply to Kev
Posted by: Me Too | 2005/06/29

Well hello - so Liz, if your'e also contributing monies, and don't lets presume that you are not- it's your obligation too, you must have an absolute fortune to party with every month! Ex husbands are not there to pay for your house bond - they also have their own to pay. Since when does the kids contribution pay for a loan that you keep after they have left home...?? So tell us all what you intend to spend R6000 plus your R6000 if you earn a good whack or say half of this if you earn less - that gives you around R9000 a month!! My word - how I could loaf around at home laughing all the way to the bank. I have no idea how you expect the Ex to keep up the standard you had before, when he also has a life to live - or is this blood money - come on don't be shy..!! You're all the same. The only thing that you haven't contemplated - the wheel always turns - poisoned the kids about him yet...? now do have a good day!!

Reply to Me Too
Posted by: ??? | 2005/06/29

I agree with scared, you are ungrateful, R3000 per child with all other expenses. You are a selfish bitch, you are lucky he is willing to even help raise the kids.

No wonder he divorced you. Stop waisting this forum's time.

Reply to ???
Posted by: caz | 2005/06/29

this is sad.......you guys were in love once? What happened?

just curious.

Reply to caz
Posted by: scared | 2005/06/29

I don't understand your problem. You say you keep records, and is very good at it, hell that is more that most of us can say.

I raised my child on R50.00 a month maintenance from the age of 2 till 18. I think your X is very generous.

Maybe you should just set boudaries here and make sure what kind of detail he wants. As an accountant I can tell you that in most cases an estimate would be exceptable if it is re-occuring things like trips to school etc. Maybe not shoot this one down to quickly. Just remember things get more expensive too and to maybe get more money in future these records could be to your benefit. In a sense you will have an amount of "control" over him too, when it comes to his contribution to the kids expenses.

Be careful of starting a big legal fight. A friend of mine just got divorced and with all the letters of negotiation and tellephone calls backwards and forewards between layers, it cost her R22000.00. Money she could have used to resettle.
Good luck

Reply to scared
Posted by: Liz123 | 2005/06/28

Believe me, i am greatful. I have done all the money matters in 20 years, and he is well aware that i am not a spender, rather the one to save!! I can give him records back from the start of our marrage, and that saved my ass - believe u me. He is not touching my estate, but he wants to continue controlling me - thats what its all about. But who does he think is going to inherite my estate - the kids!! So whats the use. Go to pick and pay and split all the till slips in 3!!! Ag please!!

Reply to Liz123
Posted by: Deubel | 2005/06/28

It is just a check if the money he pays is going to the kids and not to you. He probably does not trust you in handling the money.

Be thankful you have something to reconcile. Many exes pay nothing towards the raising of their kids.

Reply to Deubel
Posted by: Male23 | 2005/06/28

Does not sound standard to me at all.... I think you should see a legal advisor and make sure you follow the correct route.

Good Luck x x x

Reply to Male23

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