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Posted by: Dessertmoon | 2005/12/06

Hard time

Hi there,

Well it's been awhile since I've chatted to you. Thing is I have thought about all your comments and CS I've managed to speak to a counsellor but to no avail. I still feel the same...the dark mood and depression and seems though no one is able to lighten me up.

I probably deserve to live, but can not see the point in doing so. Things are not exactly getting better although I am trying. I am tired and most probably a victim of what they call burnout.

I feel like this won't go away, no matter how hard I try. I can't see through this, it is too much pressure...I am drowning in this. I can't seem to sleep and also can't seem to stay awake.

....

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Our expert says:
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You do indeed deserve to live. And if you can't see the point of it YET, then that will come if you don't, insist on giving up too soon. I wonder what happened with the counsellor --- did you tell him/her exactly how you were feeling, and actually start work on moving forwards towards better ways of facing life ? Did you tell him/her that you felt the session was "to no avail" ? Don't expect too much too soon --- you spent quite some time becoming depressed, and it'll take some time to get out of it. And you needed also to see a psychiatrist for proper assessment and medication, as well as the counselling.
I am pleased to hear that you are trying. it is sadly typical of marked Depression that one feels the situation is hopeless even when it is not so ; and research has shown that even one's perception of the work around becomes biased, so one sees the bad things and not the good.
And as Hard Time suggests, you could use some of your ime to be helpful to others in need of support and assistance. And Figured It Out's commends are brilliant and worth careful re-reading and thinking about.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/06

Dont worry, I know the story very well....

Here's on ehtat will mak eyou smile: A good couple of years ago I was having such hassles with family, university, everything... I went to the toilet to have a good dump, and it really was so good. Here I was sitting on the toilet, peaceful and quiet, comfortable, and I thought "Heck, I have to wipe my bum, walk out this bathroom, an ddeal with all that crap outside" And I decided, no ways. I went to my room, pulled out the things I needed, packed it all into a kit bag, went to follks and others in the house, and said simply to everyone "Goodbye", and walked out. I went to stay with a friend, and just did my own thing!

Sh.t happens as they say, but really, I had enough, and yes, it was my life.

Thats why I say, just as you are in a kak time and space now, does not mean the whole universe is kak. Its not. Just the one you're in now is kak. One vicious circle, I know. But only you can break it.

You know the story about the old man talking to his grandson, telling him that inside his stomach there are two wolves fihting eachother to the death. One is the angry, bitter, hurt wolf, the other is the wolf of hope, happiness, opportunity, chance taking etc. And these two are constantly fighting.

The little boy asks, "Which one wins in the end...?"

The old man replies, "the one you feed"

The world is going to do nothing for you other than just be itself and offer things for you to choose from. You choose. The thing is, once you make that choice, however daunting, its like a snowball that just starts rolling, getting bigger and better as it rolls. You must make a radical life changing decision, not life ending, but life CHANGING! You've got nothing to lose, but so much to gain. You cant see it, its like a horse with blinkers, not going to see anything new unless it changes direction it looks in.

Cahnge your direction, however radical, you'll be damn surprised at what you start seeing.

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: Dessertmoon | 2005/12/06

FIO,

If only I could have taken a few days leave....if only. My leave was cancelled to occomodate someone else and in the same breath they're requesting me to take leave as I have too much accumulated leave....

One vicious circle...ever heard that song "over and over blah blah blah..." I hate the song but that is how my life is at the moment. The same sh!t over and over ...

Reply to Dessertmoon
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/06

Hi there, how you doing, aside from the kak way you say you feel?

Think of this: Just because you cannot see something, does that mean it does not exist? People cant see Durban, but they stll drive there coz they know it exists, and take the journey even though its a kak drive between here and Van Reenen.

I know, I can speak all kinds of fancy words to convince you, but thats not the point. All I really want to try highlight is the simple thing you need to do - give yourself a chance, give yourself time, and just know that even though right now you cant see any reason for anything, I can assure you there is a reason for everything. You just cant see it now coz life is pretty kak for you.

You hit the nail on the head - burn out. Thats when you are just not interested in even finding something to believe in, when you are just gatvol and truly have no more ebnergy to do anything. Not a bad thing, coz then at least you haven't got the energy to end things! Not so?

So all I ask is one simple thing, just because you cant see anything, doesn't mean there's nothing there, so please just chill, sleep in your bed all day if you have to, then get up, go for a walk, have a cup of coffee or tea, or hot chocolate, dunk a rusk, pull some weeds from the garden, and just do a bunch of seemingly arb things while at the same time ignoring the world and ignoring thinking about that which you cant see.

Just try it, ok?

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: ... | 2005/12/06

why don't you reach out and do something for those less fortunate than you? there is no many people out there who needs what you have, once you start to give of yourself you;ll feel good again

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