Posted by: Charm | 2011/04/13

Harassment from ex-wife

Good day, me and my partner has been together for 3 years, I am divorced for 10 and he for 6 years. He raised his children alone whilst his wife was working overseas coming home once a month. They eventually got divorced, when I met him he was divorced for 3 but seperated for 6 years in total, ever since we''ve been together his ex wife sents me sms''s, telling me how ugly/fat/low class/and other swear words I am, first i''ve responded but I''ve stopped, i''ve asked her to tell me what I did to her or her kids, she can''t she just keep on abusing me verbally, I had enough. Last yr december she has decided to take the children in with her, she went to the police station for an affidavit stating that she will not be leaving the country shortly and that they would be in her custody, now she is using the children to manipulate us, she demands excessive amounts for maintenance and if my partner doesnt comply she threathens to sent the children back, she put the 13year old son on the bus to cape town whenenver she wants without informing us, every holiday she ships the child off to us and then sent''s and email saying: that b**** have no say, I had enough, what can we do? my partner has legal custody but agreed that she can have the kids, can I report her to a social worker and get a restraininging against the abuse? this is really putting a lot of strain on our relationship, my partner feels that the children went through enough and doesnt want to create more problems which means he doesnt respond and she carries on in the way she wants, we get sms on a weekly basis: I am putting your son on the bus start looking for a school?? isnt this abuse??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

Hi Charm,

It sounds like there is need for some boundaries. Your boyfriend has got good intentions when he doesn't want to create more problems but it seems that what creates the problems is the lack of boundaries in place. The mom is wrong to use the children the way she does and she would benefit from a co-parenting class. The children best interest must be a priority and to decide to keep the children then to send them back at her wish is not acceptable. Drawing a good parenting plan may be the solution to your situation. The maintenance should be determined just as where and when the children are at their mother. As far as the bullying is concerned the best is to keep ignoring it and keep modeling the best behaviour possible for the children's sake.


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