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Question
Posted by: Vee | 2004/11/08

Hang in or give up

After years (5) years in a relationship obviously the excitment has worn off and we see each other as we are - warts and all ! We do not live together but what worries me is that we have taken so long to get to the marriage stage and when I get upset with my partner I think that I "maybe I shouldn't marry". Do you think the longer we wait the harder it will be to adjust to live together as we are both in 50's??????? We are great companions dispersed with laughter, closeness i.e. snuggling holding hands and very compatible in bed. ........ I'm sure he has the same fears of failure maybe. HOw does one keep a long-term thing going ???? I see so many marraiges that are in the first few years really just disintergrate even people who have successfully lived together get married and then suddenly become enemies. What happens ???

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Our expert says:
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Sounds like an excellent companionship. From this distance I can't usefully advise about marriage. Why not jointly engage in pre-marriage relationship counselling, to help you to work together towards making a wiser decision about this ? Shaun and lady nina make excellent points. Maybe he sees little more you could gain ( except maybe reducing the rent bill ?) by marrying, and is scared of losing all the good things you already have.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: nina | 2004/11/10

i sec0ond that, why change it all.

Reply to nina
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/11/08

hi there


you care very lucky yo have someone who you can grow old with... i wish my mom whould meet someone

you look around you and l you see is marraiges failing or unhappy married people caught up in unhappy marriages
you see people who once loved each other , now distroying each other ..... and you want to get married ????

no wonder this guy is scared to make the commitment and it seems like even you have your doubts, so why fix something that is working.... i don't know what your belives about marriage is but personally i see very few people living what they belief to be a wonderful marriage

if you guys have an emotional, physical,financial and spiritual commitment and both accept, love, respect and trust each other - you have more than 80 % of all married people

if marriage is what it's suppose to be accoring to the original plan right in the begining that i'ts a noble goal to have but marriage is mostly associated with pain and suffering and not with blissfiul happiness and where 2 people are commited and loyal to "death to us apart" marriage has become a big sad joke

take care

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/08

Hi Vee,

You seem to think that there maybe a routine to a relationship, like going out & then marrying. While at thes same time you seem to harbour rather negative thoughts about marriage. Why want something that you don't think is right?
How about communicating your insecurities with him as you guys seems to otherwise have a great thing going.

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun

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