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Posted by: Gracie | 2007/05/28

Had enough!

My husband and son went to the family farm this weekend with his parents, his brother and some other family of theirs to slaugther cattle. I gave him medicine to give my son who has a cold. Needless to say, he did not once this weekend give my son any medicine and when they arrived home yesterday my son was ill, his chest is tight and he has a really bad cough! I was really pissed off with him as I have been trying to build up my child's immune system for ages now so that he won't get ill so easily! (The reason why I did not go with to the farm is that I cannot bear to see the animals being shot and slaughtered!!)

Then to piss me off even more, my husband's 11 year old niece walks into my bedroom, looks at me and turns around and leaves without greeting me. I have a serious issue with children and manners!! When I told him what she had done, he just shrugged and walked off. I have had the discussion with him on numerous occasions regarding the fact that his family will come into my home, throw themselves down on the couches in my living room and would not even have the common courtesy to greet. I have had it with him and his family - there are too many issues to go into now, but I feel like I want out. It is my mother's 70th birthday this weekend and we have arranged a surprise party for her - he tells me last night that he is not going to her party because I did not sit with his parents whilst they were eating - I had given them soup and rolls and went back to my bedroom to dress my sick child who had just gotten out of the bath. I think my husband is being very childish and whenever he has spent time alone with his parents, his attitude towards me changes. He becomes nasty and says spiteful things. Last night after his family left, he went to sit in the freezing lounge (my house is extremely cold in winter) to watch TV while my son and I watched in the room. This morning as usual he ignored me, and when I told my son to get up and get dressed to school, he told him to get back into bed - everything I say, he will do the opposite to - he will not tell my son to get up etc. he just does the opposite of what I tell my son to do. It annoys me endlessly as I believe that discipline starts at home and if my son disobeys me because his father has told him to do otherwise, why will he then obey his teacher at school? If I tell him he cannot play outside after 17h00 because it it too cold, my husband will take him outside to play ball! I don't know what to do - I am at the end of my rope. Please advice anybody? Must I rather be the submissive little wife who allows his family and him to walk all over me? What do I do? I am starting to hate my husband.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Marriage counselling an option ? It's not about you being in the wrong, but about helping him to see what is right an dwrong, and to help him to change within the relationship.
Not giving medicine to a sick child is Neglect, and a serious thing, for which there can be no good reason. I wouldn't want to visit any farm either, if they were busy shooting and slaughtering animals while I was there. Your husband seems to be showing you consistent disrespect, and has no right to expect you to respect his parents if he shows no respect to you and if he doesn't expect even juniot members of his family to show proper respect to you. I agree that he is being childish, and it sounds as though he is eliberately opposing you on everything relating to discipline with the child --- not because he believes differently from you, but just because if you say red he wants to say green.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Gracie | 2007/05/29

Thanks guys!!

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: Britty | 2007/05/28

Are you going to live for the next 20 years the way you are now? I wonder if you have the strength for that. You sound on the point of leaving you husband, it might give him a wake up call. Your story with your inlaws sounds like mine however after 20 years of marriage they have decided to like me, not that I care although it does make my life easier. However you sound as if you would rather be alone than be with your husband and his family. Good luck and take care of yourself.

Reply to Britty
Posted by: just me | 2007/05/28

the approach honey, walking out won't help. if you discipline the child alone in a manner that you alone would think is okay. well then don't expect his asupport. i don't mean to stand for losers as i believe everyman should take full care of his children but woman have to do things right....as well...communication communication and more by the way there is communicating and nagging if woman can figure that out well the world would be a much better place...but him against her will get us nowhere.

Reply to just me
Posted by: Gracie | 2007/05/28

Thanks for your input! I am so desperately unhappy at the moment and I hate having to go home this afternoon - the only thing that keeps me going are my 3 sons (two are grown-up and live with their friends). My husband is so pig-headed and wants to know nothing wrong about his family - they are always right and I am just the "rubbish" (as his father refers to me) that he is married to. He told me he will never choose me above his family as I am always the one in the wrong. I know deep down that this marriage is a disaster, but I don't want my little boy to go through what my two older boys did!! I am at the stage where I don't want to hear about seeing a marriage counsellor, I am not interested in seeing someone as I know I am not the one who needs the help, he is! He thinks I am being petty as I was upset on Mothers Day - we bought his mom a lot of stuff - one being warm winter pyjamas. She said thanks to him, but to me she said the pjs are a problem as her husband does not like her to sleep with long pj pants! How is that for a slap in the face? He said I must accept it - it is the way his mother is!! Why should I? They never thank me for anything and if I did not tell him to buy them gifts or went out and did it myself, it would not be done. Just this morning I decided I would NEVER give anyone in his family anything ever again - they are ungrateful and a nasty bunch of people! I could go on for hours about the things they do, but I no longer have the strength!

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: talker | 2007/05/28

Gracie
Firstly let me tell you you are not alone - it sounds so familiar -men and their issues.
The solution - if i had one i would be a millionaire - if we could just understand men.
A few suggestions :-
Find out why does he delibrately go against your rules.
Who is the disciplinarian.
Who died and gave him the permission to be G-d?
What goes around in his head to make it right to delivrately undermine you infront of your children - does he not have a brain to see that the children pick it up
Give him the hours for Dr Phil because your husband does not get life.
My thoughts are with you gracie and i think a lot of women out there feel the same.

Reply to talker

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