Posted by: kim | 2012/01/30


HI. Sunday a week ago my daughters boyfriend was involved in a car accident and died at the hospital. THey had been going out for 7 months. He moved in with us about 3 months ago and during this period got to know him better. BUt not as much as i woulod have liked to. The problem is i am absolutely devastated as this loss. I have tried to be there for my daughter as her loss is totally and extrememly worse and have held back my grief, however I feel totally silly as the time frame that we knew was not that long. I cry all the time and feel totally heart broken. Every where in my house i look i see reminders of him and i cannot fathom just how bad my daughter is feeling. Should i be feeling this way? I perhaps thought that maybe i am suffering from post traumatic stress as we went to the accident scene and when we arrived at the hospital we saw them trying to revive him with cpr. Or is this just the normal process of grief. also how can i help my daughter i feel so totally helpless. She is like robot going throught motions because she has to. The sparkle is gone from her eye

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Our expert says:
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You may notice there's been another message about grief this morning. There's not a question of SHOULD you feel this way ---if you do, you do. But maybe one may wonder WHY you feel so strongly about a nice person you didn't know for long. Do remember that grief is hard work and takes TIME, always more time than you expect, and 9 months or more is usual. Thinking about your own reaction, one pattern one sees quite often, is that when one experiences a severe grief from some personal loss and for some reason inhibits or doesn't complete one's grief, later in life one may react much more fiercely to what might otherwise be a lesser grief, as though the incomplete grief is being paid with interest, in this later occasion. Have you perhaps one of more previous sad losses in your life which you were not able to fully mourn at the time ?
Ones reactions in the first weeks can be a confuing mixture of emotion, numbness, disbelief, grief, anger, fear, confusion, whatever, and then gradually it becomes more predominantly grief. A counsellor experienced in assisting with grief can be helpful

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