Posted by: Lu | 2009/07/11

great guy but no sex

Hi there, I' m a 48 yo. divorcee + bf of 6 mths is a widower 51. We' ve known each other since we were both still married - 11 yrs. He is my church choirmaster + we play in the church orchestra + often sing 2gether. He is a great guy + we get on very well 2 gether. Everyone sees us as a couple, we openly walk in public holding hands. In fact we do everything a normal couple would do, cuddling, kissing, going out, enjoying time 2 gether. Everything except sex. ' Ive big boobs + am a little overweight + when I talk about it he says I look fab + he just loves all my curves. When I wear tight clothing he often feels my boobs, waist, hips, bums + thighs through my clothing + tells me what a great shape I have. I would really like 2 have sex with him but he has never mentioned it let alone try to. He definately is not impotenet because when we cuddle + kiss I can feel through his pants he gets one big erection + he keeps it for as long as we r hugging + touching. I don' t really feel free 2 ask him 4 sex but I often pleasure myself in bed at night + imagine I' m being made love 2 by him. What could his problem be? We like each other a lot - I do love him, if he proposed 2 me 2morrow I' d say yes. What should I do? I would like us 2 go 2 the next level but I' m of the old school who thinks the man must b the hunter. Some advice please.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

i suspect that his problems is not physiological (we can have an erection), neither is it lack of arousal (he gets an erection from fondling you) nor is it that you are not sexy (he on numerous times compliments you, touches you, and kisses you). i suspect that it may just be that he wont have sex with you because he may feel strongly that sex is for the marriage bed alone (due to his Christian faith). maybe tell him about how you feel about him and what his perceptions are about sex. he may also respect you so much that he chooses not to have sex with you as not to offend you. mayhe through simple communication your problems may be resolved.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lu | 2009/07/14

Hi Demorgza, there r no rules like that in our church. The ministers don' t interfere in the private lives of the members. In our congregation there r at least 2 couples living 2 gether + not married (that I am aware of) with no interference from the church at all. The church is there 2 save people + not 2 condem. So that is not the reason.

Reply to Lu
Posted by: | 2009/07/14

cos u r in de same churc, maybe the rules of ur church doesn' t allow u 2.

Reply to
Posted by: Lu | 2009/07/13

Thanks to all + by the way Kay he' s been widowed 2-1/2 yrs + I' ve been divorced just over 4 yrs. I think I' m going 2 diplomatically steer the conversation into that direction - sex + itimacy + see how he reacts. I really would like to make love with him, after all we are adults + very compatible in evry department so far.

Reply to Lu
Posted by: Kay | 2009/07/13

PS The fact that he is a widower may be an issue as well? If my hubby passed on, I can' t see myself getting intimate too soon after (regardless of how our relationship is)...

Again... talk to him!

Reply to Kay
Posted by: Kay | 2009/07/13

I think it' s an issue of respect. He is maybe waiting for you to make the first move, or at least show interest in that direction... not a bad thing, as it shows that he is a gentleman...

Talk to him!

Reply to Kay
Posted by: SHARKIE | 2009/07/11

Dear Lu maybe he wants you to let him know that you are ready to go to next level some men are also from the old school.tell him how you feel sometimes just by two of you talking about the issue will make him feel at easy. so dont feel bad this 2009 good luck

Reply to SHARKIE

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