Our expert says:
Hi Kato, You are not over-reacting, and your concerns are very reasonable. Sounds like your mom (a) may have been brought up in this fashion herself, and (b) now herself has very low self-esteem, and feels she must buy the child's affection by giving her things and indulging her totally, even though she must in at least some ways recognize that this is bad for the child.
Patriian makes some good points. A counsellor, even for a few sessions, could make a useful contribution, especially if you could see her for one session first, to put her fully in the picture. Mom may accept criticisms from her she won't take from you. It'd be best to enlist her help, emphasizing how important she could be, to solve the problems of the child's unrealistic expectations from others and lack of self-confidence, etc ( without emphasizing that she caused these problems, but geting her to buy in to solving them.
And your daughter is probably old enough to respond if the situation is discussed with her in terms of how her habits affect how she is growing ( fat and unpopular ) and how she coul d be much more in charge of becoming more attractive and pleasantly popular, if she chooses to work with you towards that goal
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