Posted by: Anonymous | 2002/12/20


Dear Doc.

Please will you be so kind to help me with the following;

I have meen married for five yaers, the problem is not with me but with my husband.
Afther my firs yaer of married i discoverd that my Husband is having some sexial problems
He would fantisyse a lot about three sims and all other kind of stuff. He once ask't me if i whant to have a "threesom" with him (a guy or girl he dont mind}

The thing that botthers me the most is tha fackt that he are realy seriose about this, he even once askt me if i would preform a stripp dance in front of other people for him,

We have been married for five years now, but he still goes on with his fantasies.

There are a verry big age cab between us, he always whants me to talk to him about thigs from my paste c ause it turns him on bigtime, always asking questions./I made a mistake to tell him the firs time ,it was for me just a joke at first,
He always ask me the questions over and over and over, then i will answer him, then he say that i lie i must tell him the truth,and every time i tell him the truth.He just dont stop, so i give in and tell him the truth,"not the real truth, but the truth he whants to hear.
If i dont do that ten i am a realy bad wive, i cant give my husbad what he whants in bed,

I cant remember the last time that we just made love like a husband and wive should do, i dont even know that path enaymore.

Somtimes i feel like a slut, cause he makes me feel like one, I JUST WHANT A NORMAL SEX/LOVE relaisionship.

What must i do? i have talk to him about this but everytime he sead that it is a goog way for him to get to know me better .

He knows how i feel about everyting, but he is not willing to change.

If i dont talk to him in bed and tell him stuff about my passed, then he would rather put ton a porn movie.

Pleeezzzzzzz HELP ME!!!!!!!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Your first line really says it all: "The problem is not with me, but my husband"

Many women feel an immediate need to deal with the problems they have with their spouses when they come for sex therapy. However, it is a basic truth that change must begin with the self. Beginning with personal work anchors us in our authentic loving selves and develops an appreciation for the complexities of change. We can make new choices for ourselves although we may not be able to change our partners. The following questions enable you to review your life story with regard to your sexuality.

There are seven basic areas:
1) Issues of mistrust and sex-negative messages,
2) wounds from primary attachments,
3) self-esteem and control,
4) distortions of compassion
5) fear of self-disclosure,
6) visualization, and
7) inspiration and guidance.

These are the 7 areas that i cover during therapy, however, you need to decide whether you can approach the subject with your husband, or get professional help.
Contact SA Sexual Health Association 0860 100 262, for a referral in your area. Or FAMSA of Lifeline.
If he doesn't want to join you for therapy, maybe it will be helpfull for you to go and it will be helpful to assist you in becoming more assertive and improve your communication skills.

Good luck
Dr Mac

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Blue | 2003/01/09

Hun, listern up - This is good advice.......TRY GOING FOR SOME ENGLISH CLASSES!!!!!!

Reply to Blue
Posted by: spare | 2002/12/21

catch a wake up.

Reply to spare

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