Posted by: WWZ | 2007/04/02

good approach??

My boyfriend and I brokeup last year in June.We have not spoken to each other since. We have a 20 mnth old girl together. He does not visit the baby(by choice) but he do pay maintainance. I would like us to start communicating gain for the sake of my little girl.It is important to me for my baby to have a relationship with her father. How do I approach him so that we can start talking again without him thinking that I want him back again.?

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Our expert says:
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MAke it clear that your concern is for the child, and that without the pair of you resuming your own relationship, it is necessary for you two to communicate for the sake of the child, and to enable him to remain a presence in her life. But I also agre with the other readers, that if he hasn't been bothered to WANT to be a presence in her life, maybe he isn't going to prove necessary to her, if oher male family are available to fill that role

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Our users say:
Posted by: Joy | 2007/04/02

I agree with Beenthere..nothing wrong with you wanting a relationship for your little girl and ex, but if he doesnt want it, then there really is no point in forcing the issue. If he wanted to be a part of her life, other than paying maintenance, he wouldve. Some women make it very difficult especially for their exes to see their kids, but the men/dads that are truelly determined, fight for that right..the others just accept it, shrug it off, and figure that paying is all that they need to do and are willing to do!

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Posted by: RMC | 2007/04/02

Don't force it on him - because she will wind up expecting him to be there for birthdays and christmas and other special days and he will only disapoint her. It will be better for her to keep him out of her life if he is no interested. Rather let her bond with any male figures in your family that can be positive male role models.

I've also been there, and trust me - she is far better off not knowing him than being let down all the time. You can still tell her about him and if she wants to contact him when she is older allow her to do that.

Reply to RMC
Posted by: Beenthere | 2007/04/02

I know exactly how you feel, but for me it was better if I didn't see him!! The thought of my broken dreams (I never wanted to have an illegitimate child)! I felt that my baby was better off without someone who didn't want him!

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