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Question
Posted by: rigid | 2005/07/04

going with the flow

Do I have a problem? When I meet a guy, I want to know exactly where I stand with him after a few weeks. I cant handle the grey areas in life, it must be all or nothing with me. I know this is not always possible, because it takes time to see if someone is for you. How can I relax more and go with the flow?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Taking an All or Nothing approach to life and to relationships, all too often leads one to Nothing, and never leads to All. As Purple says, this sort of approach would be very off-putting to the guys you meet, maybe more so to the ones you would actually like. You seem to be describing what we might call a poor toleration of ambiguity, whereas its a fact of life that life is largely ambiguous. Counselling would probably help a lot, so long as you didn't demand total results in 2 sessions !

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: TIA | 2005/07/04

I also have the same problem & all my relationship don't last, whenever I meet a guy, I get all excited & conclude that he's the one, I just don't know how 2 go with the flow...................

Reply to TIA
Posted by: Purple | 2005/07/04

I don't think your need for black and white affects only your relationships with me. Most of life (unless your are an accountant) is made up of mostly grey areas.

Putting the clamps down on someone like that probably scares them off. If they had been planning on making things more serious, you might come across as possessive and controlling and put them right off.

Reply to Purple

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