Posted by: Kelly | 2009/04/28

Going Out With The Ex...


I am not sure what exactly I should do right now...
I have been with my bf for almost 2yrs now.
I have also recently joined this group, do fun things once a week, sometimes twice.The way I came to know of it was through my ex bf.
My ex was married, now divorced.

My bf says he would never tell me what to do or what I can' t do as I am my own person and he dsnt want to keep me from things in life that I would want to do and that would make me happy (for the exception of things not allowed in relationships)
I should however keep him informed and run things by him.

So I started this club things about 2 months ago and he dsnt know that I am going with my ex bf. I have no feeling at all for my ex but he does for me and I am beginning to think that he thinks there is a possibility for us to get back together which I have made perfectly clear to him that I am not interested at all.

Am I wrong to be going with him?
Am I still leading him on even though I made it clear to him?
I do enjoy his company and to me he is like a brother...
My friends also go with and I know it' s going to come out sooner or later...

I tell him I' m going with friends... He sees the pictures but I always hide the ones with my ex in.
I' m kind of feeling abit guilty about it now but I reasoned that he would never suggest we do fun things and if we do his whole family has to be included which I do hate.

So do I tell him that I' m actually going with my ex?
I do so badly want to continue being part of this group and if I tell I know this will have to come to an end.
I also do not want to invite him to join as my ex introduced me and that would be just wrong.
There are no other groups like this around that I have heard of either so its not like I can just leave and then join elsewhere with my bf.

Also doing things with my bf is totally different to doing things with my ex.
Just to clarify too, I have never cheated on my bf... unless what I am doing now is cheating?

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Our expert says:
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You are going to a social club, which has a fair number of members, one of whom is yourt ex ? Or you are going to this club WITH your ex ? If the latter, why is this extra closeness necessary ? Couldn't you go with your present bf ? It doesn't have to be his idea --- that's a dodgy excuse. And surely he wouldn't insist that his entire family, or even any members of it, MUST joion this particular activity. Does he never ever go out anywhere without them ? I don't understand, or don't feel convinced by your reasons for excluding him from this group --- it sounds far more as though you would want to enjoy it without him. You talk, not of being a member of the group and enjoying the other members, but of going with yout ex, and enjoying being with your ex, almost as though the group is a convenient excuse for being with the ex.
Even if you have no feelings ( that you are aware of ) for your Ex, you're aware that He has feelings for you. If you don't intend this contact to go further, why give him hope unnecessarily ? Surely you are leading him on, behaviourally, even if you SAY you don't intend to do so.
As you recognize, he is bound to find out, as there are too many mutual friends for it to remain secret ( and surely it should not be a secret ? )

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Our users say:
Posted by: A | 2009/04/29

Somewhere in the back of your head, you enjoy his attention. RIGHT?

Reply to A

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