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Question
Posted by: Concerned Mom | 2004/01/19

Girlfriend tried to commit suicide

My son (17) has been dating a girl he has known for some time but only recently started dating - the girl has had a crash on him for almost a year without him knowing it - she told him once they started dating. My son soon realised that the relationship won't work - due to no fault by any one of them, but they do not share the same interests, my son is an adventure guy, she likes to be at home etc. He discussed his dilemma with someone (because he still likes the girl but not to date her) and this person told his girlfriend. She ended up in the emergency room after a suicide attempt. It was very traumatic to all of us. My son is now still dating her but is very unhappy - he also feels that he must continue their relationship to keep her from trying to take her life again. He is crazy about her, but not as a girlfriend, so if they break up, he will not also end his friendship with her. Any talk in the direction of their relationship is steered into another direction by his girlfriend. He is on a big guilt trip about what happened, unhuppy about the current status and fears what will happen if he does find the courage to talk to her straight. What is the best way to solve this dilemma with a happy ending?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageTeen expert

Hi Concerned Mom

The best thing is 2 contact the parents and ask them 2 take their daughter to a therapist that will help her with her problems. The girl needs time on her own that she can sort out who she is and what she wants out of life. Your son need 2 step down, because at the end of the day he will just make her more unhappy if he is unhappy and subconsciously project it on to her. I know he just wants to help but he can not make her dependent on him - she needs 2 be able to stand on her own 2 feet. He can still support her but she need to be guided by a therapist who will enable her to become a fuctional person again.

T

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Our users say:
Posted by: Vanilla | 2004/01/21

This is quite a tricky situation. The thing this, whats more important: your son's happiness or the girlfriend's? There's nothing worse than being cornered into a relationship you dont want to be in and its unfair that your son has to feel guilty about what happend.

I think your son needs to speak to the girl's mom and tell her that the relationship's not working out due to incompatibility. He needs to emphasise that still cares about her, but he's afraid she's going to try to commit suicide again. Obviously the girl's mother knows about the suicide attempt, so at least she can help her daughter get over this and watch over her in case she tries something again.

As far as the friendship is concerned, I think it would be best if your son spends time away from her. Seeing him will only make the pain worse and Im sure thats the last thing he wants.

Reply to Vanilla

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