Posted by: WOnder | 2004/12/10

Girlfriend and her son 8y

My girlfriend staying with me has a son age 8. Know they were together for approximately 3 years in her single life. When I first met her I could see they have a strong bond. Her son is absolute demanding on getting her attention. And it is as if it never stops. He al ways want to be on top of her and have that absolute closeness to her. At the moment she is staying with me sins August this year. In fact from May this year she and her son would come over to my place every night and sleep at my place. It was getting every thing in one box as to make it easy for every one.

When they first move in with me she and her son will bath together when she wants to save her legs. Then she will tell him to quickly bath with her. But in fact I know it is to keep that closeness between them. Then I started to ask her; way do they bath together as I am not use to it. Then they like learned it off for a while. I feel again there must be a parent child relationship. But the way they do it is almost like keeping a relationship going.
I am not stupid to believe at all they have a sexual thing going. Please I am not doff. But if his mom does not give him that special attention it is as if the son gets all grumpy and life is not great any more. He is demanding on getting that special attention. Know my point is for 3 months I had them like normal people mom and son. They still have a good relationship but you can see it is for me as the way I grew up.
Last night when we got into bed I could see that all her pimples on her back was pressed. So I said to her what happened here. So she just mentioned quickly that her son bathed with her and he pressed all her pimples for her.
He used to do it before for her, and I then said to her that I do not think it is normal to do things like that. But then again it is as if I am the shit in the whole story. It is as if,,,,,what is wrong with you, there is nothing wrong with my son doing it. But in fact I think in away there is that need for physical closeness. It is not sexual, but it is as if it needs to be there.
My serious ness about this is, how does this fit into a relationship between her and me. I know if I take my hand off from this and let them carry on, it will end up again like the way it was in the beginning. She and her son have this relationship, and I am the puppet greating the security. We do have a good relationship. We have a great sex live and see does do a lot for me. When we first met it was like every night she and her son will lay together on the lounge sweet and me on the other one. It turned around that her and me does not have that physical contact and he and she have it. Where I am the type of person that really like a lot of physical contact. Maybe I am to conscious on what is happening around me. Maybe I am too much of a person that likes to have my woman for my self. But I personally feel that if I cannot have a good physical relationship with my woman I loose interest. I do not want to be used for others security. I will say a balanced home is a home where the man and the woman are very physical and like touching each other. Want to be in each other’s arms, And the children is there to give love and pleasure. But not the once that takes every thing over. Know after 3 months it is as if it al turns back to when she moved in. It took me actually a lot of energy to get the relationship where it is know. But know I feel like let them carry on the way they want it. And one day I will just say to them, listen I think you people must pack your backs and leave. I am gatvol for being just the man around and do not get loved.

Am I right or wrong here. Or am I just a selfish jealous person…

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Our users say:
Posted by: P | 2004/12/12

Wie onthou nie meer die storie van die skerpioen wat vir die padda 'n geleentheid oor die rivier gevra het nie? Toe sê die padda wantrouerig; Maarjy sal my mos steek!? Sê die skerpioen: Nooit! Hoe kan ek nou! Dit sal mos die einde van ons albei beteken. En toe willig die padda in, laai skerpioen op sy rug en begin oor die rivier te swem. So halfpad gevorder, en die padda voel 'n skerp pyn in sy rug, en terwyl hy sterwend en skerpioen al verdrinkend in die vuil water wegsak, prewel hy; Hoekom? En skerpioen sê: Ek kan nie help nie, dis my instink!

Sommige mense het ook die instink om met hul meerderwarige, afbrekende houding andere wat waag om hul mening te gee op hierdie forum die hele tyd af te kraak en sleg te sê sou hul verskil, en dan later dit wil afmaak as 'n oomblik van: dit gaan nie so goed by die huis met al die selfmoorde en hooggeregshof sake nie, so bietjie stress, sorry, sal nie weer nie. Maar die instink skop maar elke keer in en dan word andere maar weer verbaal verneder.

Die feit dat sommige vrouens geskei is en oorreageer en probeer kompenseer in die mate waartoe hul hul kinders graag gebalanseerd wil grootmaak en sekuriteit aan hul bied, tot in die mate om wedersyds kaal saam met 'n seun wat al puberteits jare bereik te verskyn, maak dit nie reg nie, en maak dit nie verkeerd dat ander dit kritiseer wat dit as toetentaal onnatuurlik sien nie.

QWERTYUI het die meeste van ons mans se mening gehuldig, sonder om lelik te wees, en hy het nie so 'n stront opmerking nodig nie, ook het hy nie noodwendig "issues" nie soos wat die meeste wat sielkunde gaan swot, normaalweg het nie.

Reply to P
Posted by: lulu | 2004/12/10

I take offense with your stupid remark about the child seeing his mother naked and getting turned on, A. The fact that he has a close relationship with his mother does not make it wrong. I think Chelle hit the nail on the head with her advice. It's about jealousy and insecurity, and not the fact that the child still baths with his mother.

Sexuality in children should develop in a way so as not to make them feel ashamed of it. His mother's body will most definitely not turn the child on either! Does your mother's body turn you on??

I have two boys aged 7 and 11. I have an open, honest and loving relationship with both of them. The fact that they still see me naked and I see them naked does not make it weird all of a sudden. I leave it to them to decide when they are "too old" to see me showering. Until then, they are most welcome to sit and chat with me while I'm taking a shower every now and then or call me to wash their hair when they're bathing.

Oh, and QWERTYUI, get help buddy. You obviously have more issues than a weekly magazine.

Reply to lulu
Posted by: QWERTYUI | 2004/12/10

was in the exact same situation 8 years old should not be bathing with his mother end of story,

He is not his moms best friend either he is her son.

Hit reverse buddy get rid of this bitch. All they want us to do is just accept the way they are but make no effort to make the situation easier.


Posted by: A | 2004/12/10

I think its wrong for a 8 yr old boy to be bathing with his mother. At that age - they are starting to become sexually aware of girls/women. He should not be in the position where he can see he's mommy's cookie - and get turned on! Thats just....weird!

Reply to A
Posted by: lulu | 2004/12/10

Excellent advice, Chelle. (o:

Reply to lulu
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/12/10

Instead of you and her son both vying for her attention, find some ways of making sure that both get what you need. It's not an either/or situation. The child feels insecure when she stops doing what he is used to, and you feel insecure when she doesn't give you the attention you need. She is in the middle here, and when a woman starts feeling that way, chances are she is going to choose her son. Don't make her choose, but rather find ways in which to make sure that you also have that close time with her.
For example, maybe when you sit on the couch, the girlfriend can sit in the middle and be close to both of you, or the time before the son's bedtime is the sons, and then when he goes to bed it is your time.

Don't get overly concerned about what they do together, such as him squeezing the pimples. It's the thing they like to do together, rather find those things that you like doing with the son as well. The way you feel now, you'll end up resenting the son, when he is not at all guilty for doing anything wrong, except needing attention from his mother.
If you give him attention too, he will become more secure in his environment. Remember that his mom chose to live with you, he didn't really have an option and three months isn't really enough time for a child to settle down properly (especially if he feels there is competition for his mom's attention)

Don't treat them as a separate entity from yourself. See the boy as part of the package, and find your own relationship with him. Help her make him feel secure and loved and then he might become less "clingy".

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: P | 2004/12/10

All the woman are going to tell you; you are over-sensitive etc etc.

I'm telling you, get someone without children, difficult if you are 30 plus. It's always a hassle with some one elses children.

Even if it works out ok, the moment you have children of your own, there is no way you are going to treat them the same, it is only natural that you are going to focus more on your own.

Reply to P

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