Posted by: Nice guy | 2008/12/02

Girfriend never played with herself

Gooday to all.<br><br>I am almost in a relationship with a girl now.<br><br>And yes i did ask her how she feels about sex, etc<br><br>And she told me that she does not want to have sex before she is married, which for me is still understandable.<br><br>But the following problem:<br><br>1.) When she was like 6 years old her mother died, and she was never told of all the girly things.<br>2.) When she was aout 14 her nephew basically raped her, even though not with intercourse.<br>3.) She never touched herself, or even played with herself so she does not even know of an orgasm.<br><br>The question is:<br><br>1.) What should i do in such a scenario, because i am sexually active.<br>2.) I did speak to her regarding her scenario and she told me she is scared because of what happened to her. And she did ask me if it is bad if she is not playing with herself.<br>3.) I told her that i would rather want to help her, than scaring her more.<br><br>What can i do?<br><br>Thanks in advance for any replies.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

The first important thing to remember is to respect her and her wishes. In the case of your girlfriend, she needs to seek guidance and counselling from a therapist / psychologist. Even if she suggests that she is progressing on her own, she has experienced very traumatic events in her life that may trigger a relapse / fear / resentment / anger towards you if she does not seek proffessional help.

Being sexually active, you may want to resort to masturbation till she feels ready to allow for sexual activity.

You can also give her the following SASHA helpline at 0860 100 262. This is a helpline that provides confidential assistance and referrals with regards to all sexual health issues.

As you mentioned, you may have the very best intention but by helpling her you may unbeknowing actually scare her. The best thing to do is to respect her space and the path to her recovery through therapy.

All the best!

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: bush | 2008/12/04

if you marry this girl be sure that you will not be getting anything unless she sort her sexual problems out before marriage.

Reply to bush
Posted by: JD | 2008/12/03

nice guy you got a good lady .so live up to your name and be a nice guy.DONT PUSH THE ISSUE...good luck

Reply to JD
Posted by: Nice Guy | 2008/12/03

Thank you Sexologist.

I am just worried, that lets say i end up marying her that we would not ever have sex or at least play

Reply to Nice Guy
Posted by: Lady man | 2008/12/03

Don' t be stupid

Respect her for what she said and that is that she want' s to wait till she is married. You will have no respect for her if you are going to force her. I said it before show respect to a woman and you will see what a woman is willing to do for a man.


Reply to Lady man

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