Our expert says:
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
Hi Seeking Help, welcome to the forum and thanks for posting here.
First off, I'm not sure what you mean by 'a gay lifestyle'. In Straightville gay people have a 'lifestyle' but everyone else has a 'life'. Why is that?
There is no such thing as a 'gay lifestyle'. I even doubt that there is a real gay 'community' - being gay does define your life. Sexual orientation doesn't dictate your values, your needs, fears or aspirations, it doesn't determine where you live or what work you do and it doesn't determine the quality of your relationships. Being gay is NOT about frequenting gay clubs or bars, using drugs, cruising or being into porn. It isn't about being down, lonely, alone or depressed. It doesn't determine your world view, your politics or your religion. It doesn't make you good or bad. It doesn't mean that you're promiscuous, shallow or hedonistic. It doesn't imply that you'll run around in crazy outfits, cross dress or attend wild parties.
Being gay simply means that you'll probably love someone of the same sex.
The majority of gay people are NOT hanging around in gay clubs, bars or other venues - they're living their lives around you in cities and small towns, going to work, participating in the economy, voting, striving to better themselves. In South Africa we have at least two gay MPs (there could very well be more), at least two gay judges, one Bishop (that I know of - there could be more) and countless gay people holding key social positions. In short, being gay doesn't determine your life.
Maybe someone else can recommend a gay-friendly counsellor in Johannesburg?
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