Posted by: Shells | 2009/01/12

Getting married - terrified!

Hi There

I am getting married in July and I am scared.

My parents got divorced when I was very young (3 years old) because my dad cheated on my mom and my fiances parents are still married - but they fight alot - they shout at each other constantly - no one has any respect for anyone else, they talk over each other and it always ends in screaming matches.

I am scared that our marriage will either end up like my parents or his parents.

We were living together for over a year, but we bought land and my fiances parents are allowing us to stay with them rent free (but paying lights and water) in a granny flat attached to their house while we finnish building on our property.

I find that my finace and I are starting to shout at each other alot - acting and reacting to each other like his parents. When we lived together by ourelves we never used to do this. and its over stupid things too that are forgotten 20 minutes later!

The more we fight, the more scared I get that we will have a terrible marriage like his parents or get divorced like mine. when I talk to him about my fears my finace says Im being silly because he would never leave me and that he loves me and things will be fine, we will have a good marriage, we' re just under alot of stress right now.

It doesnt stop me from being scared. My mom and dad were also very in love but it didnt last, and his parents were so in love that they got married less than a month after meeting one another and they may still be together 27 years later but its certainly not a happy marriage.

Im almost ready to just call it all off! To top all of that I suffer from panic attacks and we are having a big wedding because he has a big family so I am terrified I will panic on the day and ruin everything.

What can I do to calm myself??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

See a marriage / relationship counsellor together, to smooth out your joint problem-solving and relationship skills. Don't assume that your marriage is somehow doomed to follow the pattern of any other marriage --- you can make it succeed if you both want that and gain the skills to make that happen.
And maybe scale down the marriage plans a little --- as a pal of mine is a wedding coordinator, I am bothered (( though it;s good for her business ) by how excessively and needlessly elaborate weddings have become, increasing the price and stress levels all round, for no genuine benefit to the participants. Relax and do only as much for the festivities as you will both enjoy

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Me | 2009/01/12

If I can give you any advice, do all you can to make your life heaven with your fiance, search the net for marriage tips or whatever you can find to help you guys out.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Happy | 2009/01/12

I have been married for 15 years and I still feel like i am in heaven.
Hubby came from a background similar to yours. It dosn`t have to be that way.
I love being married and my husband and I are still crazy about each other. It is all about respect. Respect one another and you can`t go wrong

Reply to Happy

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