Posted by: Ne | 2008/07/17

Getting Divorced


My wife and I have been separated for 6 months, we are very close to getting our divorce finalised, the lawyer has put the case on the roll and its should be finalised by endAugust.
We have now talked and we still miss and love eachother and want to work things out.
We have both admitted our mistakes and agreed that the problems we faced before and during our separation are still hanfing in the way and we need to address these.
She thinks we should still get divorced and stay togother and if things work out we will just get married again.
I am unsure about this and i not sure if divorcing is the best option?
We will be going for counsilling to work on our problems but is it wise to continue to divorce?

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Our expert says:
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Ask your lawyer, isn't it possible to postpone the divorce hearing while you see what you may achieve in mariage counselling ? But as Me points out, both of you need to seriously review the reasons why you both decided to proceed wioth a divorce in the first place, and whether these are still valid or seem clearly to be soluble. Meanwhile, disuss this further between you, so as to at least be sure you each understand the other's position

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2008/07/17

Hi Ne.

First of all, I am sorry to hear that your relationship has taken this turn. It is always sad to hear that people are getting divorced.

What do they always say, " what God has brought together, let no man pull apart" , something like that. Basically, you guys got married and promised to love and cherish each other and support each other for better or for worse. My Mom always says, " this too shall pass" . I don' t know your circumstances and I don' t want to preach, but there is alot of love in your post. You obviously do still love her and I am sure she loves you too.

CS mentioned that you should discuss how you got so far in the divorce proceedings in the first place and I agree with that, but also talk about how you got married in the first place. There was a special connection between you then, what is stopping you guys from getting that back.

My grandmother died 2 years ago today and my grandparents were married for 63 years. I once asked my grandfather how on earth did they do it (and they had 8 children together) and all he said to me was, " Even though there were tough times, we were never out of love with each other at the same time" .

I truly hope that the two of you can stay together without getting divorced in stead of getting divorced and married again. You are married now.....why not stay married?

Good luck, keep us posted.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: lady nina | 2008/07/17

hi there

this a a tough one - obviously wil it take time to build the trust again and to have the divorce date hanging over you , adds presure that you don' t need

would you save money if you stopped the divorce?
why not get the divorce and start over by getting remarried and saying new and fresh vows to each other ...

speak to the lady and see why she feels the way she does


Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Me | 2008/07/17

I think it is sensible to do as your wife said. If things between you two were so bad that you decided to get divorced and have been separated for so long, let the process of getting divorced end and try to solve all of the problems that led to this situation first before you consider getting married again. You should stay together and see how things work. You probably miss each other and think mostly about the good things you had in the past. But you must remember there was a reason for divorce and you two must work on solving what' s wrong. Be honest to each other and think clearly. If it' s meant to be, you will get married again. It' s not easy to see your marriage end, so don' t let this strange feeling you have deceive you. Only time and the efforts of both of you will tell if things can really work out.

Reply to Me

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