Posted by: C | 2009/01/12

Getting back with an ex...

I left my ex nearly 3 years ago. We have a son who is almost 5 yrs old. I left because I felt I had no reason to stay, neither of us were working very hard at our relationship - we were not married, just living together. There was no one specific reason for leaving, I just felt there was no communication and no effort from his side, with the result that I had also stopped trying. We had been together for 8 yrs when I left. We had a few issues regarding his visitation of our son &  maintenance but we managed to resolve all the issues and we actually became very good friends over the last 3 yrs. He met another woman, who took him for a sucker and fell pregnant then tried to get him to marry her. He refused and has been trying to get her out of his house for the last year. He eventually managed. I never interfered in their lives, but she despised me from the start. I was still in contact with his mother, and she used to tell me how this woman had made his life a living hell. She would physically attack him and she belittled him constantly, she never trusted him and accused him of cheating on her constantly. I know him well enough to know he would never have given her any reason to do that. I have been helping him with his business for a little while now, and we get along very well - better than we ever did before. He asked me if we could go out for dinner and talk. I agreed. I am still unsure of what to do, I am not madly in love with him, but I care about him and I am proud of how hard he has worked to get his business off the ground now. He has matured and grown up a lot since I walked out. So have I. Although I' d like to think that it could work if we try again, I do not want to confuse our child if it does not. Since we broke up rather " peacefully"  and never fought over much afterwards, I would like to believe that it could be worth trying again. I have met many men since leaving him, and I find that I tend to compare them to how he is - and he usually scores more points. We had our problems, but I never stopped trusting him and believing in him, it was more as if we faded out. I also have no issue with the baby (the mother is a different story but I cannot predict what will happen there) as my son has grown to love her like a sister and I am quite prepared to accept this. I' d like some opinions on this, perhaps from people who have been through something similar?

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Our expert says:
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Surprised that others haven't contributed comments so far. WOuld it be worth considering sharing some relationship counselling sessions together, to explore the degree to which you could both work on creating a more viable relationbship here ?

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